The Woods are Just Trees

There was much to do in the Guildhall these days, but with the return of sunshine and life to the world, Jigano found more and more reasons to continue his research projects out of doors. He had too much to do and not enough time, between continuing his performances at the Rathskeller, helping out in the Infirmary, and running the Guild, but at least the days were getting longer and he had his friends and guildmates to help share the burdens of trying to find answers and defuse the tensions that had been running high since the Spire Battle.

Combining two of his tasks - working on translating an herbal written in a language he had recently cracked, and gathering more medicinal herbs for the infirmary - only made sense. That it let him walk in the greening woods and soak in a little sunlight between rain showers was just a happy side effect, but one he gladly accepted. Isuma was ecstatic, chasing bugs and pouncing with kittenish delight as they crawled, flew, buzzed, and bounced away from her snapping beak and talons that were growing slowly more coordinated as her feathers began to fledge in along her wings. The pale-colored snowy owl/snow leopard gryphlet scampered on and off the path with the abandon of a wild young thing while her companion chuckled at her antics and checked the book he held against the plants he was coming across, now that spring had them sprouting and unfurling leaves and buds to be identified with.

He had just plucked a few fronds from a young fern, leaving several more to grow for later harvest and continuing the species, and was tucking them in his pouch when the sound of a footstep alerted Isuma's sharp hearing, and her attention drew Jigano's up to see a familiar figure a little ways away.

" Phoebe !" he called out with cheerful courtesy, raising his hand in greeting. "What brings you out here today?"

Phoebe was working nearly constantly lately. Or...well...as much as she could with the number of clients she had. Her hope that her clientele would rise had been greatly diminished by the sudden tensions between the Outlanders and Naturals. What Natural woman - who frankly was more likely to be expecting than an Outlander since their families hadn't been torn apart by a sudden arrival in a new place - would want an Outlander midwife to help deliver her child when literal mobs sought to subdue them? Even if she didn't have a personal issue with the newcomers herself, it probably wasn't wise to engage with an Outlander in business. Emmett hadn't wanted anything to do with her after the death of the Spire Demon after all...and he had supposedly really liked her at one point.

So she was out, prepping for the hopeful eventuality that she might have more work. She did have Miss Vai at least to attend to.

Despite recently planting a garden, her remedies still required some foraging. Her plants weren't even close to blooming after all and waiting for that just wasn't an option. So she was out with her little basket, picking some valerian root she had found. When she heard her name she started, looking up from where she was kneeled down by her work. "Oh! Hello Jigano." she greeted with a smile. But she lacked her typical vibrancy. She was subdued, dulled, melancholy - almost an entirely different girl from the one he had escorted into the underground.

"What brings you out here? she asked.

When last they had met it hadn't been for a particularly happy reason; Phoebe had intended to go down to the underground shrine and try to seal the Voice away, and their conversation had waxed philosophical. She had, however, been confident, stubborn, and brave. Now she looked... careworn. Faded, almost, as if the sunlight didn't quite strike her as brightly as it did the world around her.

He was also tired, but there was a brightness in his eyes that had been lacking when last they'd met, and fresh energy in his step as he picked his way carefully across the fresh spring growth to join her. His deft fingers caught a sprig of chamomile blossoms as he passed them, hiding the motion with his body so that he could present the flowers as if by magic when he reached her side and offered them to the young woman with a flourishing bow.

She had echoed his question without answering it, but given her apparent distraction he decided not to tease her about it, and instead showed her the herbal he was translating from, with its pictures of medicinal plants and their descriptions written in a strange, looping script. "I spent all winter cracking the alphabet," he explained. "And now I'm working on building the vocabulary. And there are same Caido-native species in here that I'm unfamiliar with, so it's a good learning experience. And a good way to combine research with gathering herbs for the infirmary," he added with a chuckle. Now that he had her attention his voice turned more gentle. "And what about you, miss Phoebe? Are you on the same quest for herbs for your clinic?"

With all that had transpired in the last few weeks, it seemed Jigano had bloomed where Phoebe had withered and wilted. There was a bounce in his step, a light in his eyes (what was it like to feel that way again?) which she envied. Not deeply but vaguely, yearning for happiness in general than whatever was specifically giving him such joy. It was though comforting to see that some people still managed to be doing well in spite of it all.

The flowers surprised her, which she instantly recognized as chamomile, and brought a small smile to her face as she accepted them. "Thank you." she said softly before he delved into his reasons for being so far from his guildhall. "That sounds difficult." she said as he explained his trials to understand the unfamiliar languages found in some of the books in the library. She was not clever enough to do such a thing herself, and found it very impressive that he had. When he asked her what she was doing though, her cheeks blushed a little, realizing suddenly that he had already asked that and she had somehow missed it.

"Uh, yes actually I am. I've planted some behind the clinic but it will take time for them to mature. So I've found some valerian root here which is always good to have on hand." she said quietly. She wasn't a particularly loud person, in fact she was rather soft spoken. But her tone lacked it warmth and vibrancy, deadened by some invisible weight that dampened her whole demeanor.

"It is," he agreed, his smile turning wry. "But worth the effort, I hope." Her blush was, he hoped, a good sign. One that meant she was focusing on the world around her again, and taking an interest in their conversation rather than drifting through the woods in a state of dangerous distraction. There were wolves here, and other creatures even more deadly, and whatever had brought this sense of melancholy upon her he didn't wish to see her come to harm through it.

"Valerian," he murmured, flipping a few pages back in the book and then nodding as he matched the carefully drawn picture to the roots she held. He studied the words written by several of the plant's characteristics, comparing them to what he could see of the real thing, and then nodded, grinning up at the midwife. "If I've got this right... useful for insomnia, anxiety, and coughs, yes?" He glanced back the way he had come, noting a rustling beneath a colony of young mayapples whose large leaves hide all but a flash of white beneath them as something scurried by. "I think I passed some ginger a little ways back if you'd like some of that--" He was interrupted by a muffled squeak of pride as a small gryphon, pale feathered and furred, with the face, wings, and talons of a snowy owl and the body and tail of snow leopard cub, tumbled out from the mayapples and promptly dropped a brilliantly shining green beetle on his boot. The beetle - nearly the size of his thumb - lay stunned for just long enough for him to bend down and reach for it before it buzzed back to life and scuttled behind his heel and burrowed into the leaf mold, causing the gryphlet to reep! reproachfully at Jigano before pouncing after it in hot pursuit.

"I am certain it will be. Especially to those seeking to understand this world better." she said with a small smile. She used to love reading, and had read anything she could get her hands on. Books. Papers. Labels. Instructions. Recipes. But as of late she hadn't done so, and her one trip to the atheneum had ended in distraction. "I should probably see about borrowing a book or two. It's been so long since I read...it might be a nice distraction." she said quietly, more to herself than him, but certainly loud enough for him to hear.

She nodded as he listed off what the root was good for. "It is also a good remedy for various aches and pains. I use it frequently with my patients because of all it can do." she said. But when he mentioned ginger she smiled a bit and nodded. "Oh yes, ginger would be wonderful. I can't have enough of that on hand." It helped with pain relief and nausea, which in her line of work was a frequent hazard to be faced. But before any more could be said, they were interrupted by a fluffy, feathery, white ball of pure adorableness. Phoebe stared at the creature wide eyed as it deposited its gift then bounced after again.

"...are you acquainted with that very cute creature?"

"As a Loreseeker, I think it's my duty to encourage such distractions," he teased gently, with a smile. "If you let me know what sorts of things you'd like to read I can pull some from the shelves for you, and you can pick them up in the Guildhall when you next visit?"

He nodded at her extended list, making a mental note of the additional uses the root could be put to. Before he could lead her to the ginger however, their conversation was interrupted by his favorite ball of fluff. One that served as an even better distraction for the melancholy young woman as her attention seemed to sharpen with interest which, Jigano thought, was entirely warranted.

Then again, he was terribly biased, and he flashed Phoebe a grin as she called the gryphlet 'cute'. "Phoebe, meet Isuma. Isuma meet- Isuma!" he chided, laughing, as she twined around his ankles before trying to pounce after her bug, oblivious to his attempts to get her attention. He reached down swiftly and caught her mid-leap with his free hand, tucking her up to his chest as he straightened and offered the squirming bundle to Phoebe for inspection. "Isuma, this is Phoebe," he tried again, and the gryphlet's large yellow eyes blinked in surprise at the midwife before focusing on her intently.

Reep? she asked, tilting her head curiously, and Jigano chuckled. "Go on," he urged Phoebe gently. "You can pet her, if you'd like. She's a glutton for ear scratches."

”Oh I’ll read anything.” Phoebe said with a slight shrug. ”Books were really expensive where I am from so I learned to not be terribly picky.” They couldn’t afford to be picky when it came to luxuries like books. Anything that Jigano suggested she was sure to enjoy in some capacity. Whether it was the story, or the characters, or the technical detail, or the author’s mastery of language – she could find a reason to enjoy reading basically anything.

Isuma. Well if that wasn’t just the cutest name she had ever heard for the cutest thing she had ever seen!

She laughed lightly when the little thing reeped at her. ”Hello, it’s very nice to meet you too, Isuma.” she said with a little smile. Phoebe kept her hands in her lap though until she was given permission to pet the small creature. ”What sort of creature is Isuma? I’ve never seen anything like…her? Him?” she said, unsure of the proper term. Phoebe reached out to gently scratch behind the little creature’s ears…its fur was so soft and comforting and…tears, unbidden, welled in her eyes.

"Anything?" he asked, delighted at the challenge. They were trying to keep the medical texts in a central location so anyone could find them, but things like the herbals were fair game. There were a few histories he could pull that she might like, and one of Sam's favorite slender books of poetry, and a couple of fictional stories as well...

But Isuma made her appearance and everything else was put on hold for a few minutes as he captured the pouncing gryphlet and presented her proudly to the young woman. "Her," Jigano specified with a grin that Phoebe had probably seen on proud fathers before. "And she's a gryphon. Well. A gryphon cub," he amended, as Isuma wriggled and tilted her head into the gentle scratches, making small peeping noises of happiness. Jigano was smiling down at the pair of them until he noticed the tears welling up in Phoebe's eyes. It wasn't the response Isuma usually got, and for a moment he was taken aback...

But only for a moment.

"Here," he said gently. "There's a log over there that we can sit on, and you can hold her, if you'd like. She is an excellent cuddler and she likes making new friends." He'd lead the young woman over to the - thankfully dry - old tree that had come down last autumn, judging by its mostly-clean state. If Phoebe sat down he would loosen his hold on the gryphlet and allow Isuma to crawl into the woman's lap with a fluttering of little half-fledged wings, though rather than settling she tried to put her foretalons gently on Phoebe's chest, peering up at her new friend's face with concern. Jigano would sit beside them, keeping a decorous space so as not to crowd the teary-eyed young lady, and he gave her a small smile at her obvious delight with the little creature that was his companion.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently. "Isuma is a great listener, if you need someone to talk to."

”Yep! Anything! I’m easy that way.” Phoebe said with a small, melancholic smile.

A gryphon. Well she didn’t know what that was but if the grown up ones were as cute as the baby ones they just might be her new favorite animal. At the prospect of holding her, Phoebe lit up, looking up at Jigano wide-eyed. ”Oh, can I?! I’ll be very careful with her I promise.” she said. Not that he really had anything to worry about. She handled babies all the time as a midwife, and baby animals required the same gentleness she was used to giving human infants. Isuma would be very safe with her.

Phoebe gladly sat on the log, not nearly vain enough to be concerned with how it would dirty her skirt, happily taking Isuma onto her lap. She grinned, eyes still glassy as the cub rested her paws on her chest. Unable to resist, Phoebe gave the gryphlet a few quick kisses on her little fuzzy forehead as she scratched behind her ears. She was so cute Phoebe was pretty sure she could die from the cuteness.

But of course, Jigano asked what was wrong, and she sighed, frowning a little bit at the gryphon cub on her lap. ”Long Night was just…very difficult. Incomprehensibly difficult…and with everything going on at the Spire…” she sighed and shook her head. ”My problems result from it but are hardly worthy of attention, given how great the overarching issues were.” she said quietly. It felt as though they were on the verge of war, and she was just barely clinging to what few things made her happy anymore.

"I will definitely have some books waiting the next time you can visit the Atheneum, then," he assured her, wondering what had caused the once-bright girl such melancholy. Before he could pursue it they were interrupted by a young gryphon on the hunt, but Isuma was always a worthy distraction, and Jigano knew how resilient she was, as well. It didn't hurt that Phoebe's profession was centered around mothers and young things, so even though he didn't know her well he was willing to trust her with the gryphon cub's safety.

Isuma wriggled, reep!ing happily at the forehead kisses before she dropped down to curl up on Phoebe's lap, soaking up the ear scritches for all she was worth. Jigano chuckled at her shameless antics, but that brought them no closer to resolving the root of the young woman's sadness. He listened, and as Phoebe sighed Isuma began to purr, offering comfort in her own way. The gryphlet shifted, getting a shoulder down and then rolling in the midwife's lap to expose her soft tummy, keeping her wings tucked tight to her side as she streeeeetched and put herself into the perfect position for tummy rubs, if only the clever human could figure it out.

"I'm sorry, if you lost anyone," he said softly. He had lost one dear friend into a form no longer human, and nearly lost two more, both brought to the very edge of death. He was lucky, he knew, that he had not lost more, but his heart went out to those who had. "But the Spire..." he hesitated, then shook his head at her insistence that her problems didn't merit attention. "Of course they matter," he said gently. "Something like what happened that day... it wasn't a single large issue. It was too many small issues that went overlooked for too long that made things boil over. If we had caught and tended to the individual, the personal problems sooner, maybe Ronin would have allowed others to join his Northhavener-only attack... and maybe the naturals wouldn't have had such resentment for it." He sighed, looking out over the explosion of new growth that carpeted the forest floor in bright green interspersed with dollops of colorful blossoms. His brow furrowed as he thought back to that day, and where Phoebe had been amidst the chaos atop the hill. "You were there with... a young man?" he questioned, speaking slowly as he sifted his memory for details. "One I haven't met before... but he was nearly as angry as Rory, I think. Is he the one who's stolen your sunlight?"

Phoebe smiled at him a little. ”Thank you. I look forward to your selections.” she said quietly. And truly she did. Any distraction she could find lately would be helpful. Her attention went back to the adorable little gryphlet and she could not help her grin as she rolled around and presented her soft tummy. Phoebe knew very well what that meant and happily obliged to pet her very soft belly. The sensation of her purring under her fingers was oddly soothing, though she knew it was because of familiarity – midwives regularly kept mother cats around and present when women were in labor, because it was thought that cats found the birthing process comfortable due to their purring and that it somehow would help the human woman.

Phoebe didn’t really buy it but tradition was tradition.

She shook her head a little at his apology. ”I didn’t lose anyone…not physically anyways.” she said quietly. She was fairly certain that the Emmett she had fallen fast and hard for had died over Long Night though…and in some ways it was more painful because he was still alive. It wasn’t the body that mattered, but the soul that she grieved. Brown eyes glanced towards Jigano as he went on at length about the attack on the Spire, remaining quiet but wondering if she had any room to speak at all. ”My sister-in-law was one of those people. Roana. The one with the claymore.” she said quietly, thinking it enough to make clear where she stood on the issue. To a point. ”I’m not sure it is fair to say this is all Ronin’s fault. That thinking is part of the problem.” she said quietly.

But then he brought up Emmett and she looked away, back down at Isuma. ”Emmett Palmer.” she said quietly, identifying him for Jigano. ”He was my boyfriend…over Long Night his house was attacked and all but his two youngest siblings were killed and us. We had to run from the Outskirts to the Rathskellar but we were attacked on the way…He was really hurt and I had to drag him almost the whole way.” she swallowed, focusing on the cub on her lap. ”I basically did everything for him. I was taking care of Chris and Milly…they were living in my house because theirs was…it’s mostly uninhabitable…and I was doing all their cooking and cleaning and laundry…making sure they were in bed on time, making sure Emmett had whatever he needed to do his work but…most of the time it was like taking care of a shadow of a person.” She had basically become a stand in mother and housekeeper and her own needs and anxieties that had grown out of Long Night had just festered. ”And when he chimed in with Rory I just…I got really mad because I’m and Outlander and he was talking like…like I deserved to be hated for it…and then he left me over it.”

A few stray tears rolled down her cheeks, falling onto her shirt off of her chin. ”I would have changed everything about me to keep him happy…but the one thing he wanted me to change I can’t.”

Isuma was perfectly happy to be petted and adored, and she purred reassuringly as the conversation that murmured by over her head  turned serious. She might not know the words or the more complex things they spoke of, but she knew tone, and emotions, and could tell that Phoebe was upset. She purred harder in response, trying to let the human girl know that, now that Isuma was there, things would be alright.

The midwife's tale meant far more to Jigano, who listened with solemn sympathy, though at her defense of Roana he had to hide a faint grimace. Mostly he knew her as the woman who would rather have seen her friend Ronin bleeding out in the snow than accept help from a non-Northhavener, but this was neither the time nor place for that conversation. Certainly not with Phoebe, who was having a hard enough time opening up. "Not all his fault, no," Jigano agreed. "And neither here nor there, in regards to what's affecting you, is it?"

Indeed, it was not, and as she continued her explanation Isuma tried to catch one of her fingers to nibble gently on it. It would tickle, if Phoebe let her, the gryphon's small owl beak careful with play, as her long fluffy tail lashed and swiped across Jigano's thigh. "I am sorry to hear about his loss," Jigano said formally, but the quiet words were sincere in spite of their almost ritual nature. She continued and he smoothed away a frown before it could form as she detailed a relationship broken in more ways than one... one person grieving and unable to function, another being handed responsibilities she had never agreed to.

And then it came to the day of the Spire attack and this time Jigano did wince, nodding in understanding. As the tears began to fall in large crystal droplets that soaked into her shirt and Isuma's fur, the gryphlet rolled into her front again and rose up to place her foreclaws on Phoebe's shirt, reep?ing worry at the girl's distress. Jigano folded his hands in his lap, not feeling like they were close enough for him to reach out and touch her, even in comfort, but he tried instead to distract and comfort with words. There was much he could have said, but he chose to start at the end, first. "And if you could have changed things about him?" he asked, gently. "What did he need to change about himself, for you to be happy?" He gave a little shake of his head to forestall her from answering too quickly. "A relationship isn't much of a partnership, if only one person is expected to change in it. Why should you expect yourself to do so, and not expect the same of him?"

Phoebe sighed a little as he tried to brush aside Roana’s piece in this. Sure, she wasn’t directly involved nor responsible for Roana in any way, but it didn’t mean it didn’t bother her. ”Maybe not, but it bothers me how many assumptions are flying around about her and me and Outlanders and Naturals…Everyone is just acting like children looking for someone else to blame in one way or another. In the end, it doesn’t matter, we are all going to suffer for their egos, Outlander and Natural alike.” she said with a slight huff, cheeks puffing out in irritation.

”Me too. They were good people.” she said quietly as he conveyed his sympathies for the Palmers, letting Isuma nibbled on her finger. The midwife managed a little smile, wiping at her cheeks with her shoulders as the cub (or was kitten a better word?) leaned up on her chest again. She leaned forward and kissey’d on her fluffy forehead again. Her attempts to soothe her were well received. Phoebe stared at the kitten as she considered her answer as Jigano clearly wanted her to. ”That depends. Nothing…if you were talking about before…maybe that he have more confidence in himself but that would have been for his sake not mine…and after everything…I just…wanted some sign that he still cared about me…but that was selfish.” she said quietly, swallowing back more tears before looking over at Jigano with wide sad eyes.

”Why should I not be expected to change when clearly I was the problem? And then…made more the problem when Rory started this anti-Outlander rhetoric? He’s a Natural, he’s lost everything, and I was unable to change what I am or be less…wanting of…any tiny heartfelt affection…I was too selfish, too…too much, I guess.” she said, looking away again. Never mind that she, like all Outlanders, had basically lost everything too. Never mind that she had suffered during Long Night too. Never mind that she was a person with wants and needs – it was her fault.