[SE] i'm right where you left me

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Sohalia was troubled.

She sat on the stoop of her shop, holding a broken lantern in her lap. It normally hung near the door, but it had gone out one evening and failed to light again. Today, she was meant to take it apart and try to determine where the problem was. She wasn't making much progress; she was distracted, and it was clear by the way she toyed with a screwdriver, twiddling it between her fingers as she thought.

As if there wasn't enough going on in Caido without her personal troubles, it had been over a season since she'd seen or heard from Jude. She'd royally fucked up not just with him, but with Koa, too, and it had left her in a place of unease and regret. She could have handled it all differently, she knew that now, but it was too late to take it all back. What it wasn't too late for, in her opinion, was making amends. But it was hard to do that when Jude wouldn't respond to her letters. For all she knew, he was dead in a ditch somewhere.

Well, that was a bit dramatic. Surely, Harper would have written if something had happened to Jude.

Still, there was an undercurrent of anger beneath the guilt and shame that Soh had endured for over a season, and however much she tried to shove it away, it kept creeping back into her mind when she least expected it. It was stupid and selfish to be angry, wasn't it? When all of this was her fault to begin with? But there it was, the anger, rearing its ugly head and staring her down. She hated it.

But she hated even more that that little voice in the back of her mind telling her that it was okay to be angry was beginning to win her over. And why shouldn't she be angry? Jude had promised her that he wasn't mad, and that they weren't breaking up, and then he'd left for months without a word. That didn't seem like a healthy way to have a relationship, in her opinion. Not that she was an expert, but still.

She continued to toy with the lantern, looking dejected as she, at long last, began to tug and pull at the pieces, taking the light apart to begin to look for the problem.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Stormbreak was damned cold in Deepfrost, but it wasn't a patch on the roaring winds and blizzards that still roared across Halo, even if they didn't isolate the northern region anymore. Tal was grateful for his Cuff as he hurried down the street, carrying one of the Peregrine's broken signal lanterns. He needed to get it repaired before he left again, and he'd meant to do some hunting for a potential shop location, and he still needed to see Sohalia, and he'd kind of wanted to drop in and see Koa again and--

He had a lot of things he wanted and knew he'd probably only have time for maybe half of them, but the Peregrine's repairs took priority as he walked along, Boreal keeping pace at his side.

At least, until the dragon recognized a familiar side street and peeled off, leaving Tal swearing in her wake. There wasn't much heat in his voice, however; he knew his companion's mind and he knew what she'd recognized while he'd been lost in thought, and he wasn't really mad at her sudden detour.

Sure enough, a few minutes later he ended up on a street he knew better than most in Stormbreak, and a few buildings down he saw a familiar crown of golden hair. He started to grin, but the expression faltered as he got close enough to see his friend's face in the grey afternoon light. Boreal wasted no time in crooning a happy greeting and bounding up to Soh's side to give the Heart a thorough sniffing-over before attempting to nudge one of her hands with a broad, scaly head. Tal dropped himself on the stoop on the other side, setting his lantern aside before leaning companionably into his friend's shoulder. "Hey," he offered, a little gruff but nonetheless warm. "You, uh... y'don't look so good. D'you want t'talk about it?"

Tactful and smooth as ever.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

She'd just begun to take the lantern apart when a familiar croon caught her attention; she looked up, startled, to find Boreal bounding to her side with Tal close behind. As the dragon nudged at her hand, the young Heart forced a smile for her oldest friend. "Tal!" she said, trying to sound chipper and bright. "I wasn't expecting you today! It's so good to see you." But it sounded false even to her ears, and she turned her attention to making sure she gave Boreal a good scratch.

And of course she couldn't fool Tal - he dropped to sit with her on the stoop, leaning against her shoulder companionably before informing her that she didn't look so good. Soh made a face, her gaze dropping to her lantern as she toyed with the screwdriver she held once more. She'd managed to get all of a single screw out of its hole, and she set it in a nearby pan that she'd brought outside purely to keep track of her hardware.

For a moment, she wasn't sure what to say. Of all the people she could confide in, she'd never gone to Tal about her boy troubles, though she couldn't really say why that was. "Everything's a mess," she said after a moment, frowning down at her lantern. "I mean, there's Safrin being gone and that's, y'know, not great, but then..." She sighed. "You know I was dating Jude, right? Well, we had an argument, and he wanted some space to think, but now I haven't heard from him at all since last season. Not even a letter."

A single tear trickled down her cheek, and she swiped at it angrily before returning to the lantern, using the screwdriver a bit more aggressively than was strictly necessary. "I just - would have thought - that he'd be back by now," she huffed, pulling another few screws from their holes. "But I'm just stuck here - waiting, and it's driving me mad."

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

"Good t'see you, too. Been meanin' t'stop by an' ask-- Well, nevermind. It'll wait." He settled in at her side as Boreal rumbled happily into the scritches. Sohalia knew exactly where to put her efforts, getting the itchy spots on the first try, and the dragon was soon half-curled around her and leaning hard into the attention with her eyes half-closed in bliss until the scritches stopped. She gave a mournful sigh from her mighty lungs and then settled down, catching Soh's mood from her companion.

Tal's tact was still pretty weak, but he cut straight to the heart of the matter, and Sohalia responded in kind. He appreciated that she didn't try to brush his concerns off, and he sat quietly while the gist of her unhappiness poured out.

Though he did blink and do a double-take at the mention of Jude and dating. Yeah. He hadn't known that little fact and he opened his mouth before stopping himself and shutting it with a click of teeth as Soh continued.

And then ah, shit. There was a tear - just one! - but Tal didn't even think before he slung an arm around his friend's shoulders and squeezed lightly, trying not to jostle her too much while she worked. "Okay, well, uh..." He wrinkled his nose, completely at a loss before he cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm... sorry? T'hear that, I mean. Didn't take 'im for the type t'cut an' run without an explanation," he admitted, the familiar scowl starting to tug at the corners of his mouth. "So, uh... how long were you two, y'know... t'gether?"

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

For a moment, Soh was distracted by the idea that Tal had something to ask her. Answering her friend's questions would have been preferable to wallowing in self-pity, after all, and it would have brought her no small amount of pleasure to be able to help Tal with whatever it was that he needed.

But then she was telling him everything, and even though it didn't make her feel better, it didn't make her feel worse, either, and she set the lantern gently in her lap to lean into Tal's hold. "No, it's not like that," she protested weakly, her voice catching in her throat as she tried not to cry. "At least, I don't think it is? I mean, we argued, and he said he wasn't mad and that he wasn't breaking up with me, but that he needed space. I don't think he meant to 'cut and run.'" Although, now that she considered it, maybe she was wrong. What other reason could there be for Jude leaving her for so long without a word? "But, I guess... what do I know?" she sighed miserably. Maybe things really were over.

"Oh, uh, well, he's been my best friend for... a long time. But we got together as a couple in Longheat." It seemed like so long ago now. "So, not very long, I guess. Gods, it's probably so dumb for me to be acting like this." What hurt the most was that she felt like she'd lost her best friend along with her boyfriend, and that was a hole in her heart she wasn't sure how to fill. "I just, I don't know how to..." Her throat closed, and she sniffled. How to live without him.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

As far as Tal was concerned, Stormbreak was Soh's city and she could cry if she wanted to. And if she didn't want to, well, he'd do his best to cheer her up, or at least make her feel less bad. At the very least he could offer a hug and a sympathetic ear for his friend, and when it came down to it he was on her side.

Still, he wasn't really good with tears and was probably the least qualified person on Caido to offer relationship advice.

Which wouldn't let it stop him.

"Yeah, well... a couple o' months is an awful lot o' space t'need," Tal opined, gruffly dubious. "An' y'know lots! It's not fair for anyone t'expect you t'wait forever." But... well, maybe Jude did have his reasons. He was earnest and wore his heart on his sleeve, and Tal knew he was a hard worker. It just didn't feel like the young man who wanted to be his apprentice, and the courier scowled out into the frosty street at the conundrum.

He gave Sohalia's shoulder another squeeze, heart tightening in empathy with his own recent memories of heartbreak to kindle understanding. "Hey now, it's not dumb. It's okay t'hurt. The not knowin'... lotta ways that's prob'ly worse than knowin' for sure but at least havin' closure. Not bein' able t'move forward, one way or t'other..." He trailed off with a sigh and shook his head. "Look, I'm not... not real good at this sorta thing, yeah? An' I dunno whose fault the fight was, but a whole ass season is time enough for him t'figure out what he wants. I guess... hnng." He reached up with his free hand to scrub at the back of his neck, brow fiercely furrowed in thought. "How much longer d'you want t'wait for 'im?"

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

It wasn’t like Jude, and that was the problem. If Soh hadn’t known that Harper would write if something had happened, she would have worried that Jude was lost or sick or dead. Since her foster-father hadn’t told her otherwise, she was operating under the assumption that Jude was fine. That he just didn’t want to see her. And she’d tried to be fine with that. She really had.

But it wasn’t fine. It wasn’t fine at all.

She wasn’t fine at all.

”I don’t know,” she whispered, pressing closer to Tal, as though his presence alone could solve her problems. ”I don’t… I don’t want to wait forever,” she admitted, acknowledging for perhaps the first time that she was growing tired of it all. Maybe the fight had been her fault, but how long was she supposed to blame herself? How long was she supposed to suffer, and hurt, and bear it all in silence? How long did she deserve to be punished? ”But there was someone else, before, and I broke it off with him to be with Jude, but now I wonder if I didn’t make a mistake.”

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Neither Tal nor Boreal was particularly shy about hugging their friends, and the courier squeezed Soh's shoulder, tucking her more comfortably against his side as Boreal wriggled more tightly against her thigh and shifted her head to rest her scaly chin on the Heart's knee, crooning soft reassurance. She might not have understood the details of the situation, but her friend was hurting and the dragon did her best to comfort her in her own way.

Hearing that there'd been someone else definitely complicated matters, and Tal chewed his lip fiercely, trying to figure out how to help... or at least, not make things worse. "I dunno if y'made a mistake or not... but I mean, even if y'did, you're allowed to, y'know? Figurin' out what works for you an' what doesn't means tryin' out things an' screwin' up sometimes an' learnin' from it so y'know what you want next time."

Hail, by that metric Tal had learned a lot in his life!

He took a deep breath, his fingers tapping a silent, rapid rhythm against the side of his thigh as he navigated the dangerous waters of relationship advice in a leaky rowboat with no rudder. "An'... I mean, maybe not always but... even if things aren't workin' out now, it doesn't mean they won't work out later. It would suck to lose your best friend over this. Trust me... it does more'n just suck. D'you think y'could go back to bein' 'just' friends with 'im for awhile? Maybe give it a couple more seasons an' then see how y'both feel about each other?"

It was a little garbled and hard to follow, but it was the best the courier could manage while trying to keep one or both feet out of his mouth for a change.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Soh didn't want to imagine what she'd have done without Tal and Boreal, who had been there for her ever since she'd first left home. The thought was enough to make her sniffle again, leaning her head against Tal's shoulder and raising a hand to rest it on Boreal's head, absently scratching at the dragon's horns. There was nothing Tal could say to make things worse - anything that anyone could have said, she'd already said to herself a thousand times over. And while his insistence that she was allowed to mess up echoed what others had said, she was still hesitant to believe that particular piece of advise. She was the Heart of Stormbreak, the Luminary. If she couldn't handle her own relationships, what business did she have managing a region?

In any case, she considered Tal's question with a sigh. "I don't know," she admitted. "He promised that we'd stay friends no matter what, but then - things are so complicated, and then he just disappeared, and I never thought he'd do that, so -" She swallowed hard, her voice turning thick with emotion. "What if he doesn't want to be friends anymore?" she managed in a tiny voice, right before tears began to stream down her cheeks in earnest and she turned to bury her face in Tal's neck.

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Boreal tilted her head into the attention, eyes half-closing in pleasure as Soh's fingers found the itchy spots and soothed them with a touch. For his part, Tal hesitated a moment and then rested his cheek on his friend's hair as she pillowed her head on his shoulder, letting her know without words that she was welcome and safe for as long as she wanted to lean on him.

"Well-- oh," Tal began, trying to formulate an answer to her question, but as the tears began to flow he swallowed back the uncertainty, feeling a twist of alarm in his stomach. He was real bad when it came to dealing with waterworks, but the last thing he could do in that moment was push his friend away. Instead he twisted to wrap his other arm around Soh in an awkward hug, patting her back with a gentle hand. "Hey... hey, it's okay. It's gonna be... I mean, we'll figure somethin' out, yeah? No use 'what if'in' 'til y'actually hear from 'im. An' you get t'decide, too, after y'hear 'im out, if y'want t'keep 'im in your life," he assured her, voice gruff with concern and affection for his heartbroken friend.

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

If she'd been in her right mind, Soh might have realized that her tears were making Tal uncomfortable and done what she could to stem their flow. As it was, she was too mired in her own misery to notice. Instead, she buried her face in his neck, one arm still trailing loosely to rest on Boreal's head, and simply cried.

It had been a long time since she'd let out her emotions. For someone who was generally an open book, it was surprising just how much she'd kept bottled up. Koa and her feelings for him, how she'd hurt him time and again for Jude, who couldn't even be bothered to come home to talk. Jude and how much she'd loved him, how she'd have done anything for him, and how she'd betrayed him and how he'd betrayed her.

And then, as they do, the flood of tears began to dry, softening to sniffles as Soh withdrew ever so slightly from Tal's hold. The fingers that lingered on Boreal's horns began to offer scratches, and with her free hand, Soh reached up to wipe at the tear stains on her cheeks. "Sorry," she murmured softly. "It's just - I'm the Heart now, and I'm supposed to keep it all together, except I - I don't feel like I have anything together at all."

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

Tal might have been uncomfortable, but Sohalia was heartbroken and he figured that was more important. If all he could do to help was to hold her and let her cry on his shoulder, it was something even the awkward courier could manage, and he hesitantly rubbed her back with a gentle, clockwise circle the way he remembered his mother doing for him when he'd been young and more honest with his emotions.

He didn't try to say anything, just held his friend and let her cry herself out, doing his best to hold steady for her while Boreal remained pressed tight and rumbled occasional soft croons of comfort and encouragement until the tears began to slow.

As soon as he felt her start to pull away he loosened his embrace, but when she apologized he shifted his hands to her shoulders and squeezed them gently. "Hey, what're you apologizin' for?" His voice was gruff but soft as he focused on a loose wisp of hair on her forehead. "Becomin' the Heart didn't magically make y'any less human, did it?" He tried to find a lopsided smile for her, wry and fond in spite of how worried he was for her. "Maybe y'have t'keep it t'gether for Stormbreak, but y'don't have to keep it t'gether for me."

He relaxed his fingers on her shoulders and freed one hand to tuck the wisp of hair back into place. "So besides the boys, what else is goin' on? Can't promise I'll have any good advice, but maybe talkin' it out'll help?"

Sohalia

Don't try to wake me up
Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow

Let's all remember that Soh is only nineteen, and who among us hasn't experienced their first heartbreak? She cried herself out on Tal's shoulder, tears falling until they ran dry, and when she sat back up, she felt marginally better than she had before. There was something cleansing about a good cry, and she felt now that she could at least hold herself together for a while longer.

And while she still felt that she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders - or at least the weight of Stormbreak - she did have to admit that she hadn't become any less human for being Stormbreak's Heart. If anything, she'd become more attuned to the plights of others, more sympathetic to those who had different backgrounds than her. It had, in many ways, made her all the more aware of her humanity. "Thanks, Tal," she whispered, trying on a small smile. It was still heavy and sad, but it was something, and she tried to hold onto that little thread of affection that she felt for her friend instead of focusing on all the darkness that seemed to surround her these days.

Aside from her boy problems, things in Stormbreak were difficult. "Well, Safrin's gone," she said with a sigh. "And that can't be a good thing, so we're trying to make preparations, but without a timeline, it's hard to decide what to focus on." Did they gather resources, did they train their defenses, did they fortify the city... there were too many choices, and they all felt like the wrong one. "And then there's the Abandoned. I have a focus group planned in Halo to get their thoughts and opinions, but... I don't know what to expect, really."

Don't believe anything you say anymore
In the morn, in the morning

"Sure," he murmured, lips lifting briefly in a small, answering smile for Sohalia's gratitude. "Any time." At least she was smiling, however briefly and however pained the expression was. She was growing up fast, but Caido had a tendency to do that to people, even when they didn't pray to the gods to be aged up in the blink of an eye. Tal just wished growing up didn't have to involve so much heartache for the people he cared about.

Of course, Sohalia had more on her shoulders than the average nineteen year old. She had a whole region to lead and support - and worry about. The courier grimaced, nodding along to the news of Safrin's disappearance and the uncertainty surrounding it. His brow furrowed as his friend continued, nose wrinkling at the mention of preparations and focus, but when it came to the Abandoned he snorted and relaxed, looping an arm more comfortable around Soh's shoulders and pulling his lamp into his lap to fiddle with while they talked. "Ah, Ru'll give you a hard time, but you've already made a lot o' progress. Show up with some lesson plans or somethin' t'show 'em that you're not expectin' 'em t'do all the work on their own, an' it'll go a long ways."

His tongue slipped out the corner of his mouth as he tried to loosen a screw on his lamp one-handed. "So, what're the options for the preparations that're hard t'focus on?"