Running through my head

He wasn't even sure that he'd find her here today. All too often in the last season or so he'd come by to an empty house, dark and cold, while Hotaru had been off...

Elsewhere.

Not that the courier was one to talk, and he knew it. Still, he hadn't stopped hoping that he'd run into her, and some days he did get lucky. With the weirdly warm weather melting things that hadn't been melted in a score of lifetimes, he was unsettled enough to want the comfort of an old friend to help him talk through his feelings, and when he saw the curl of smoke from the chimney he broke into a relieved grin. Boreal grumbled happily from behind him, catching his mood, and the pair quickly climbed the steps to Hotaru's porch.

Before he knocked on the door, Tal bent to take a towel from his Bag and wipe down his companion's muddy talons while she made loud sighs and huffs of impatience, crooning her presence at Hotaru 's door as effectively as any bell or knock would have done.

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

This house had been new to her after the war, a structure she'd needed to be free of all memories both good and bad in the wake of Enzo's death. Maybe that's why leaving it behind, sealed and locked up behind her, is so easy. All memories grown in its halls have been tied to other people, not her own sentiment for the empty vessel. When she sleeps here, intermittent now, she so rarely has Tal at her side. A product of that intermittency, yes, but a fact nonetheless - one that leaves her curled up and sleepless most nights, holding Sunjata's shirt and buried in the blankets that only faintly smell of Alys and Talyson anymore.

Tal's presence now is akin to the glow of a lighthouse; unmistakable, heralding, hopeful. Ru stands from her armchair and thanks Tal's Accepted nature for how he will be unable to hear the hurrying of her feet as she pulls the door open, fondness already overtaking her features and deepening to see the courier so kindly wiping Boreal's feet down.

"Hello, beautiful," she croons right back, already reaching for Tal to bring him into her arms so she can press her nose to his chest, flooding herself with the scent she has so dearly missed. Even the chill of Flowerbirth can't steal away the heat of him, the sense-memories that always come when he is near. "Hello to you too," she mumbles, scarcely discernible from where she is squashed somewhere near his sternum.

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu

He couldn't hear her approach on feather-light feet that practically seemed to float over the ground when she walked, but he heard the latch click and had just enough time to straighten up before the Valkyrie was in his arms and he buried his face in her hair. As his best friend wrapped herself around him a bubble of warmth expanded in his chest, pushing down the buzzing sense of foreboding over the current state of the world and his place in it, and he huffed a laugh. "Hey! Who aren't you callin' 'beautiful', huh?"

Boreal, of course, had known exactly who Hotaru was referring to, and rumbled happily at the acknowledgment of the better half of their companionship.

But, gods, he missed this when he was sleeping cold on the Peregrine or in his hammock at the new courier station when Ru was gone. "An' how the hail have y'been? Boreal's been missin' you." Easier that then admitting the same for himself, though it was only the rice-paper-thinnest of attempts to disguise it, and everyone knew it.

He kept an arm wrapped snugly around his friend as he managed to get them out of the way of the dragon who shouldered in to sniff around for traces of Flora's companion, and the door closed behind them before he took a step back to look Hotaru up and down, needing to see for himself that she looked well and happy.

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

Pulling away just enough to glance around her stoop as if puzzled, Ru doesn't attempt to conceal the Cheshire mirth in the corners of her lips. "Oh, am I missing someone? You aren't usually the type of man to have guests," she teases, pleased as punch to have him here and finally capable of teasing him. It makes the conspicuous implication of his having missed her all the more apparent when her own chest aches at the reminder of their increasing time apart.

With the door shutting the cold out, Tal would see Ru in a better state than she'd been in a very long time. Always petite but no longer gaunt, and with a happy glow to her general expression and being. Alas, it is at odds with the bittersweet smile she wears. "I've been...really, really good. Not around much, as I'm sure you know." Ru isn't the type to be self-conscious, so there is no wringing of hands or awkward crossing of arms. She knows the news she has to share will hurt him, as it has already hurt others. "I've been splitting my time between here and King's End. I've been staying there with Sunjata." He would recall their past relationship after so many seasons sharing her home and life, but Hotaru hadn't confirmed to anyone but Alys - and Deimos, though not in so many words lest the Sword vomit on the spot - that she and Sunjata were together again. Still, it wouldn't be much of a logical leap. "How have you been?"

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu

He gave her his best scowl, grumbling playfully as her teasing struck home and it felt good to banter again, even if he was getting the short end of it as usual. One of these days he was going to have a real zinger of a comeback ready for her! ...But today was not that day, and he conceded the point with comically ill grace followed by a rueful grin as they all moved inside and away from the mud that seemed everywhere this season.

Taking a moment to look her over tugged at something in his chest he had trouble naming. The last time he'd seen her looking so good had been--

Well. Before the War, and all that had been lost with it. But her smile held a twist that went straight to his gut, and as he bent to undo the lacings on his boots he kept slanting questioning glances up at her. "Yeah... well. Not gonna lie, I've been kinda worried but... I guess if steppin' out with him is makin' you happy..." The courier was dubious, but there wasn't a man or woman alive who deserved Ru. Which was a damn lonely way to go through life, even he could admit, so as long as the Flood was making her smile and not cry, Tal did his best to swallow his jealousy.

Some lessons even he could learn, after enough time had passed.

He straightened and moved further into the house in his stocking feet as Boreal continued her meander of the rooms, checking for dropped food and new smells. The question brought the rueful quirk back to the courier's lips as he reached up to rub the back of his neck. "Better'n I was," he admitted honestly. He'd had a rough Longheat, but Deepfrost had seen the fixing up of the Snowcloak courier station and a home of his own, and the deepening of some of his other friendships. Plural. Something he still had trouble wrapping his head around sometimes. "I've got plans t'set up a station in th'Hollowed Grounds this season. Dependin' on how that goes, I'll get one up in Stormbreak, too. I've got a quest goin' for Ludo t'help me improve my Dagger, an' Alys wants t'do a tour o' Caido on th'Peregrine soon. Honestly, it's... kinda overwhelmin'? But in a good way," he hurried to assure her, grin finally widening, if going a bit lopsided. "What about you? Got any plans for th' Academy this Flowerbirth?"

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

Ru separates from his side only to pull out his favorite blanket from the neat stack by the couch and drape it over the cushions, bustling around to begin pouring tea from the kettle she'd been using for herself while he unlaces his boots. "You're not the only one worried," she sighs softly, though it makes her smile and shake her head slightly regardless to know she is so loved. "But I am happy. And, despite popular belief, attempting to be smart about it and take things slow." Though getting back together had taken a season or two, they both have their entire lives ahead of them now if Caido is keen on giving them their well-deserved breaks.

Holding out his teacup to him as he fills her in on his own adventures, Hotaru smiles softly, proud of his accomplishments and also his furthering dreams. "You'll grow used to the hustle and bustle with time, so long as it keeps serving you. I'm glad to see you so happy too - you've come so far in the time we've known each other." Hotaru is distinctly proud of him for that, for continuing to soldier on despite all the bumps in the road.

Unintentionally however, he asks precisely the question that will lead to her having to share her news far earlier than planned, and it makes her smile go a bit plastic on her face. Sighing, she turns and sits gracefully on the sofa, patting the space next to her to invite him to her side. "I'll be hosting a training session soon, but...well, it will be my last as Headmistress." Taking up her own cup from the coffee table so she might have something warm to wrap her hands around, she stares into the depleted liquid inside before inhaling slowly and turning her eyes to Talyson. "Evie has agreed to take it over for me, because I'll be moving to King's End once our quest from Frey is complete." Which is so incredibly hard to say out loud. In fact, this may be the first time she's had to - even when asking Evie about the Academy she hadn't been so blunt.

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu

He had his own place now, with just him and Boreal in it (when they were in Halo, at least) but it still didn't have the same feeling of home that the Seawright household had, or that Ru's house had developed over the last couple of years. The blanket - soft wool with a geometric pattern in pale blue and grey - brought a quirk of a smile to the corner of his mouth as he straightened and padded in on stocking feet.

"Yeah," he spoke with gruff affection, rubbing his nose to obscure his expression. "Well. Just keep bein' happy, okay? An if he ever lets you down, I'll help y'set fire t'that brothel." Which was what best friends were for, when it all came right down to it. Property damage, alibis, and petty revenge.

He took his teacup as the drink was served, inhaling the steeping aroma with pleasure and offering his own laundry list of plans for the near future to pass the time as he waited for it cool enough to drink. He ducked his head at the unexpected compliment, ears turning pink as he instinctively tried to hide the glow of pride that lit up his craggy face like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. "...s'well, is'not 'zactly, y'know, that--" he mumbled before realizing what he was doing and catching himself, clearing his throat and taking a gulp of scalding tea that wrinkled his nose with a wince.

His question wasn't meant to shift the mood; between Sah and Alys and his sister Dierdre he had more than a passing interest in the Academy, and he liked hearing about Ru's plans for it, even if he didn't understand all the magical jargon. It was something that had anchored her in the months after the War; given her purpose and direction, and he did all he could to support her in it, even though he didn't have a drop of his sister's magic in his own blood.

But this time something was different. He could see it in her smile and the way she folded down into herself even as she sat. He didn't hesitate to set himself down next to her, but he was too confused to be wary until the words dropped into the silence. At first he assumed he'd misheard her, giving a slight shake of his head as if to clear a ringing from his ears, but she continued on and there was no mistaking it then. He froze, the blood first draining away from his sun-browned face and then rushing back until he flushed dark, eyes wide with shock.

"But... Halo's your home..." was all he could manage, the words slipping out unfiltered and a little plaintive as his fingers tightened around his cup until his knuckles were as white as the porcelain.

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

The bark of laughter that crawls out of her chest is more beholden to memories of other post-breakup arson events than anything truly humorous, but the notion is endearing and emphasizes how much Tal cares for her which is all that truly matters to Hotaru. "I'll make sure to let you know - and recruit you - if that happens," she laughs, a soft sound infused with all the warmth curling in her heart at his loyalty to her and her happiness. Something she never thought she'd feel again after the war, or even before it - when friendship was a concept she'd forgotten, and loneliness more than just a bedmate.

That love lingers even as he flushes and mumbles, and it's all that sustains her as the weight of what she has to say comes to rest upon her shoulders, forcing her down to the cushions of the sofa.

He knows her too well not to see the shift in her mood, or feel the change in energy around their conversation. It makes it hurt all the more to see him sit so trustingly beside her, because it feels like the news she has to share is a betrayal, no matter how many times she has to reassure herself that it's not. It's harder to remember that when he stares at her, wan then flushed, already hurting before it has really sunk in.

"It is," she agrees quietly. "And it always has been. I suspect it always will be, in some fashion." No matter the distance or change in her citizenship. Turning away (selfishly) she stares into her own cup, thumb idly tracing the edge in slow circles. "But Halo has not needed me in a long time. Not the same way I've needed her." Any value she brought as a soldier or a headmistress had dwindled as Halo burned ever brighter, drawing more talented souls like moths to flame. "The person I love cannot visit me here. My daughter is half a world away. And the mission I upheld for so long is showing fruit - and Enzo himself told me it was never a mission he gave me." It pains her that Stormbreak's decision had been made internally, without any of her aid, but at least it was a step in the right direction even if it could not be attributed to the Valkyrie's efforts.

This may be her only chance to truly explain herself to Talyson, and she takes it with both hands, hoping to fill his stunned silence with anything she can think of to abate the sting. "Even you are blossoming without needing me so much. Or I you." Because they had both leaned on each other like crutches for so many seasons, and while she does not look down on that, she equally can't deny that he has far more friends to support him than before. "Enzo asked me to live. And I think I have been hiding away in Halo, using the Academy as an excuse, instead of actually doing that." And with happiness so close at hand, she can't envision turning it aside.

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu

He would go to war with her and for her after all they had been through together, weathering emotional storms that would have cracked each of them alone. A little light arson was the least he would help her with when it came down to it, and while he figured she probably knew that, he wanted to make sure of it.

But as eager as he was to prove it, he oddly found himself not wanting to need to. The realization sat, oddly-shaped and light, in his chest as he folded down beside her, not knowing what was wrong but knowing that he'd be there beside her to help her through it, as they'd helped each other so many times before and after the War.

Except...

It wasn't the words she deserved. Later, he'd kick himself for letting them slip out, but in the shock of the moment his scrambling brain could think of nothing more coherent except for confusion and denial and a slow, dark chasm opening in his heart.

Those were all the words that came to him, at least. After that he fell into silence that Ru moved to fill, and his pale eyes never left hers until she looked away. Even then he watched her, a frozen statue of a courier, as the words spilled forth, blood and myrrh and chamomile poured into the air between them.

He hadn't known a heart could break so gently before.

Lips parted, but instead of words he drew in a breath, sharp and jagged, as his body sought for the air he hadn't dared to breathe all while she had been speaking. The tea cup in his fingers trembled, hot liquid dancing as time lurched and began to move again, and Talyson shook his head, short and jerky, as he tried to make sense of so many revelations at once.

He would have been less surprised if the Palace had cracked and melted overnight, than for Ru to announce she was leaving Halo.

Leaving him.

Except...

"Only been able t'blossom because I've had you," he said, all gruffness gone in the plaintive voice of a much younger man. "Without you, I..." He flinched as hot liquid spilled onto his fingers, looking down at his teacup as if surprised to see he was still holding it. After only a moment's hesitation he pushed it onto the side table and then reached out to his best friend, not quite touching, a plea in his eyes as he opened his arms but waited for her to allow the hug or not - careful, too, of her own cup still in hand. "Fuckin' hail, Ru. I'm gonna miss you so much."

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

There is fear here, even amidst the gentle, formulated cadence of her voice. Explanations practiced and rehearsed over weeks the only saving grace for her composure. Their friendship had only ever been at risk of upending itself once, and given their shared loyalty to Halo, she can't help but wonder...

If it comes down to it, will he understand? Will he spurn her, reject her - for a perceived betrayal against a land he will inevitably choose over her?

Though she has more loved ones now than she has since she was a young woman, abandonment is a fear embedded in her cells, a genetic gift passed down from her parents the day she was born. Evie and Deimos may have accepted her farewells, but terror trembles in the back of her throat, scared - no matter how she won't show it - because what if Tal doesn't? What if she chooses love and loses someone again?

His arms open, and the fine porcelain in her hand goes tipping onto the table graceless, tea spilling everywhere and dripping like blood off the edges to seep into the rug as Hotaru throws herself into his arms on the quake of a gasp of relief. She holds him tight; possessive, desperate. Her throat is so tight she can scarcely breathe, but it is with relief and a hurting heart this time, not fear.

"You can't miss me," she forces out like a demand, as queenlike as she's ever been. "You're not allowed to, because I'm not going to be seeing you any less. I won't let it happen." And if the front of his shirt begins to grow damp and her shoulders quiver, she knows Boreal will be the only one to know. "That's what this has all been about, right? Wings and boats and magic - so we don't have to wait so long to visit each other." It's a pathetic reach, but the benefits of growing stronger, growing up, they have to be for something right?

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu

She wasn't wrong to be worried. A few years earlier and he wouldn't have understood. Jealousy and pride would have twisted his tongue and wrapped vines around his heart with the thorns pointing inwards. He would have been too caught up in his own pain to see hers for what it was.

But she had been the one to help him grow. To hold him up when he was weak and give him the strength to reach out to others again. He had blossomed because of the care and support she had shown him, and with every new bridge he'd built he had grown a little stronger and a little more resilient. Even, perhaps wiser. If only a little bit.

There was tea on the couch. The table. The floor. And both of them, not that either of them noticed or cared. Boreal watched them from her bed on the hearth, pale eyes liquid with contentment as Tal wrapped his arms tightly around his best friend and buried his face in her hair. "Y'betternot," he mumbled into the golden strands, fiercely intent on holding her to her promise even as he gathered her close to his chest, breath shaking as he squeezed his eyes tightly closed to better memorize the warmth and strength and weight of her in his arms.

Not for the last time. But, perhaps, for the last time like this.

"...I wouldn't have t'miss you at all... if I came with you. T'King's End," he said slowly, almost too softly to hear even as close as she was. The words felt like a betrayal and the first light of dawn all at once as the ice inside him shifted and cracked no less than that on the Sea of Glass was doing in this strange, wild Flowerbirth.

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

His arms wrap around her, and Ru could care less about the awkward positioning on the couch or the dampness of discarded tea when the physical proof of his understanding is present against her. Her arms snake around his waist, having to maneuver a bit to get them between him and the couch, but it's worth it to hear his heart thudding beneath her ear and to be able to squeeze back just as firmly. They have always been a rather unlikely pair of friends, but that has never mattered when they're hidden away from the world like this.

He's lucky she has sharp ears, and that she's pressed so close to his chest that the rumble of the words gives him away, or she surely would have missed it. Pulling away abruptly, she stares, startled at first and then peering into his face for any sign of doubt. "That's a big change, Tal," she whispers, like this are treasonous things they're planning that can't be spoken any louder. "Your sisters are here, this is where you started your business...you were born here. You're even more Halovian than I am." Which, given how negatively Deimos had reacted to the same news and had made light of her dedication to Halo, is a statement that makes her insides cramp at the memory of it. It's also maybe why she doesn't discount the idea entirely. "You would have to be very, very sure. And - and it couldn't be for just me." Which feels presumptuous even to someone as self-important as Hotaru, but it needs to be said.

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu

He shifted, awkwardly but with good intentions as he felt her arm trying to slip around him, giving her a few inches of space before he half-collapsed back against the couch cushions. Her cheek was pressed to his chest and his was pressed to her hair, and gods it was going to hurt to let go of her, but at least for now it was almost the same as it had been for the past couple of years: both weak but leaning on the other's strength to get them by.

He didn't want to loosen his embrace but the suddenness of her movement caught him off guard and he blinked in surprise as she was, between one breath and the next, far enough away to look him in the face once more. Pale eyes were wide and, though she could no longer feel it, his heart beat harder and faster in his chest at the full import of what he'd suggested settled around his shoulders. Her words echoed his own thoughts, and he swallowed, giving a slow nod.

For once, however, he didn't reply right away. White teeth bit down hard on his lower lip and his eyes closed again as he turned his own impulse and her concerns over in his mind. "It's... a lot, yeah," he agreed slowly. But there was one thing, at least that he hardly had to think about at all. It was too integral a part of him for the courier to second-guess, and he looked at Ru with one corner of his mouth quirking in a lopsided smile. "But I'll never not be Halovian. Doesn't matter where I lay my head. No one can take that away from me." He leaned forward to bump his nose against hers, not unlike one of his dogs might nudge a beloved packmate. "You, either. Some things're just in th'blood."

The smile faded. "I'll... I'll need t'talk to my sisters, yeah," he said slowly, feeling his way through the words one at a time, like a man walking out over ice, uncertain of its thickness and testing every step for stability. "but 'Lexi's been handlin' th'local dogsled runs anyways since I got th'Peregrine flyin' 'tween th'regions. An' truth is, Ru, I spend more time away from Halo these days than in it, travelin' th'long route 'round Caido." He met her eyes squarely, jaw tightening briefly. "An' part of that's 'cause, sure, it's my home, but I'm not exactly on speakin' terms with th' latest Warden. An' I haven't felt welcome here for a long time. Tolerated, barely. But maybe I'm tired o'keepin' my head down an' my mouth shut in th'place I was born." And the old bitterness was still there, that Halo was ruled by an Outlander and a Grounder - and ones that Tal didn't get along with to ease the sting of it.

He took a deep breath, hands shifting to squeeze the Valkyrie's shoulders as he let it out on a shuddering sigh. "I think I've been runnin' for two years, an' not wantin' t'admit it. But I was just runnin' from Halo with nowhere else t'go, so I just kept goin' round an' round in circles. If you're in King's End, well... I dunno if I'll stay there very long? But at least it's a place to run to for a change." His smile made a ghost of an attempt at reappearing, though it was weak and a little sad. "'Sides, I gotta leave the nest at some point, right?"

from the mornings you ease to the evenings you quiet
I'm always thinking of you, I'm always dreaming of you

She would have shot down any immediate, knee-jerk response he might have given, so it's a relief when she watches the gears begin to turn in truth as he considers the gravity of his own suggestion. Hotaru is a patient woman for all her greed, so she settles in a more comfortable array against him as she waits out his thought process, and gives him the same respect of waiting out his entire explanation first.

His reassurance that she would always be Halovian no matter what makes her responding laugh a little hoarse as she closes her eyes, brushing her nose against his own companionably. After the disastrous fight with Deimos, she'd been questioning the implications of perceived loyalty as opposed to what she feels, and it means all the more coming from someone born and raised in Halo's cold. "She leaves a mark in ways other regions don't," she agrees softly, almost reverent. Something about the close-knit community of Halo - no matter how necessity created it - cannot be shaken no matter how far you run.

His bitterness has never been invisible to her, but Deimos is her brother, and Evie his beloved. Some things even the Valkyrie is not willing to meddle in, but it hadn't been easy to witness either. "Some battles are more harmful drawn-out. If leaving would make you happier, then that is all I would want you to chase." Not her, or another ruler, or any other fanciful notion. Lifting her hands, she chuffs him under the chin with a loose fist, eyes liquid emotion as she smiles, bittersweet. "Even if you don't stay, you can lean on me there while you figure out where you want to go next. And if you do stay..." she trails off meaningfully, making it clear she would be ecstatic if he did, "well, then you'll already have a built-in community, right?" And if her smile is a little weak at the corners, she doesn't think he'll call her out for it. Even the humor and the hope for the future can't fully outshine the reality of the fact that she is leaving - and he might be coming alongside her.

the valkyrie

say my name, say I'm yours
promise we'll never be oceans apart

totally sniped from odd ilu