From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
Soh scrambled around the apartment over her shop, picking up the disarray and cleaning feverishly to prepare for company. She'd received Flora's letter that morning and realized that her apartment was nowhere near suitable for visitors, and she'd been scrambling ever since. Soh was many things, but willing to welcome her friend into a home that looked like it had been hit by a tornado was not one of them. Tarak helped, as much as he was able as a young griffin, eventually leaving her to her panicked cleanup to perch on the tower she'd had built for him in the corner. Soh hardly noticed. She was too busy cleaning.
She barely finished in time, having managed to complete her tasks and take a quick shower before the doorbell chimed from downstairs, and she hurried down with her hair still damp to let her friend in. "Flora!" she cried as she flung open the door. "It's so good to see you!" And it was the truth. However much she may wish to wallow in self-loathing these days, having someone care enough to come over and check on her - or, as was likely in Flora's case, gossip with her - was a balm to her shattered soul.
She ushered Flora in and led the way up the stairs. "How have you been?" she called over her shoulder as she rummaged about in the kitchen cabinets. "Can I get you anything to drink? Tea? Wine? Something stronger?" She kept just about everything these days, just in case.
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
"No you!" Juggling flowers and wine as Sohalia opened the door, the Doubletake beamed at her friend. However things went that afternoon, Flora was sure of one thing: uteruses before duderuses. That would make more sense later, but just now, Flora grinned as she kicked Soh's door closed behind her. Dumping the things she'd brought onto the Luminary's counter with a huff of relief, Flora nudged the wine forward and bobbed her eyebrows suggestively. Regardless of what time it was they could probably both use a little sip of something to take the edge off given the lives they led.
"Now—" Holding up a finger and jutting her chin out at her friend, Flora flared her nostrils theatrically. "How could you not tell me you and Jude broke up????" She demanded, though there was nothing but amusement in her tone. The breakup was probably still a raw thing, Soh was also a leader as much as she was a regular woman with things to deal with, but you know. Still.
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
Gods, but it was nice to have company. She'd spent seasons with Jude by her side, first as her friend, and then as her boyfriend, and despite his disappearance, she still wasn't used to feeling so alone. There was nothing worse, in her opinion, than sitting in her apartment for hours on end missing her best friend with no one to comfort her but Tarak. But Flora was here now, and that meant that - for a while at least - Soh would be happier.
She grabbed some wine glasses out of the cabinet and set them on the counter, uncorking the bottle that Flora had graciously bought to pour them both a healthy glass. Then she winced. "Sorry! Sorry. Honestly, I haven't really told anybody," she admitted. "It's not exactly my favorite topic of conversation." Besides, how was she supposed to explain the relief she'd felt when he'd ended things, and how confusing it was to be relieved when she simultaneously missed him so much it hurt? And how was she supposed to even begin to consider Koa's place in everything?
She took a sip of her wine. At least she and Flora had similar tastes in liquor.
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
"I'm only kidding, of course I'm not mad, babe." Flora is quick to interrupt, smiling softly at her friend before flopping herself down on Soh's couch. "I was just...so surprised, you know? He and I and Melita were out gathering rocks for some stupid fountain in Torchline—" Pausing to roll her eyes, Flora huffs a theatrical sigh before continuing, "-and I kinda sassed him about ignoring you and he just...let it drop." She explains, before downing a healthy sip of her wine and shrugging her shoulders.
Shifting so she could tuck her feet into the cushions and resting her glass on her knee, Flora reaches out for Soh's hand. "Are you okay though? I know I was sort of hard on him when we talked about it before, but you know I'll always support you."
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
Soh gave Flora a sad sort of smile, waving away any concern that she might think the Doubletake was mad at her. She knew better than that. Flora was a dear friend, and however she might approach the topic of the breakup, Soh knew that the other girl would be on her side.
"I... don't know," said Soh, taking a sip of her wine. "It's - complicated?" She sighed heavily, toying with the wine glass in her hand. "It's just, he was gone for so long, Flora, and I know now that he had his reasons, but it didn't change the time I just spent waiting to hear from him, you know? So when he came back, and suggested that we go back to being friends, I just -" She laughed humorlessly. "I was relieved. And I guess I thought that maybe it could be that easy, to just go back to being friends, but now... well, I haven't heard from him, and I haven't exactly been dying to reach out. It's just not the same. I miss him," she admitted. "But I miss him more as a friend than as my boyfriend. I think - after all the time he was gone - I think I knew what was coming, you know?"
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
Forcing herself to relax instead of collapsing into her own skin the way she selfishly wanted to, Flora nodded along as Soh spoke, mentally shaking herself any time her mind wandered to places she wasn't ready to address yet.
"No, and that absolutely makes sense. I mean...maybe in the big scheme of things it's good that it all happened this way? Like, you were ready to just settle down with him for life, so.." Pushing her lips together and giving the Luminary's hand a slight squeeze, Flora shrugs and takes another sip of wine. "He said he was off with his brother or something? Which like, yeah whatever, it explains why he was hard to get ahold of, but I can promise you that if my dads ever were separated, nothing could keep them from getting in touch." And not just because they were demigods, but because they were lovestruck idiots, even after so many years together.
"Do you feel like...guilty? at all about it? And how is, uh.." Clearing her throat and taking a sip of her wine, hoping that she could blame the flush in her cheeks on the liquor, she finishes. "..I mean, wasn't Koa kind of wrapped up in stuff with you two, too..or.."
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
Soh sipped her wine as she listened to Flora, returning the occasional hand squeeze and sighing as she considered her friend's words. "Maybe. It's just - lonely, you know? We were together all the time, and now it's just me and Tarak." There was an indignant squawk from the griffin's tower, and Soh rolled her eyes. "And I love Tarak," she said, glaring at the little griffin as she said it. "But there's something different about human companionship. I really thought that we'd be together, but it just wasn't... right, anymore, when he came back."
As for feeling guilty, the Heart nodded sadly. "Of course I do. I mean, it was my fault that he left to begin with. I can't help but wonder if things had been different... if I had been different... I never wanted to hurt anyone, but that seems like all I've done." She took another sip of her wine. She was going to need a refill soon at this rate.
"Gods, Koa," she groaned, flopping back in her chair with covering her eyes with her arm. "Things are even more complicated with him. I really hurt him when I chose Jude, and I just want to take it back, even if we could just be friends..." Or more than friends. Anything, really. Soh wasn't picky.
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
"I know what you mean, but you aren't alone, okay?" It wasn't the same thing of course, and though Flora was loathe to admit it, there were more than a few nights when she hated her own bed for its emptiness, but that didn't mean it wasn't her job to remind Soh that as a point of fact, she wasn't alone. "I'll come up here and spoon you to bed every night if you need." She adds with a giggle.
"Hey, no it wasn't. You made a mistake. If relationships can't handle mistakes, they aren't going to work." Flora interrupts quickly, giving her head a shake. "I meant that before and I mean it now. How he responded is on him."
Taking a fairly healthy sip of her own wine now and wondering if she shouldn't have just opted for a bouquet of wine bottles instead of flowers, Flora did her best to try and keep her own emotions in check as they broached the topic of Koa. "Yeah he did seem a little off when we were hanging those lanterns, huh." She murmurs. "But like, in a perfect world or whatever, would you...want to try and be with him again? Or, not again, but you know what I mean."
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
Soh couldn't help but giggle with Flora. "I might take you up on that," she said with a sad little grin. It wouldn't be exactly the same, but at least the bed wouldn't be so empty and cold. "But thanks, Flora, really. I'll try to remember that." It made her feel better for now, anyway, even if she knew that she'd be back to self-loathing in hardly any time at all.
For so long she'd been taught that mistakes were a part of life without having really made any major ones of her own; it was strange now to see the consequences of her own actions spelled out in black and white. Lost love and destroyed friendship were perhaps among the worst results that Soh could imagine. Flora was right, of course - Soh knew that, knew that she and Jude were both at fault - but it still cut her to know that she'd been the one to start it. That if it wasn't for her, things might be different.
But did she want things to be different? If it hadn't been this, wouldn't it have eventually been something else, later on down the road? And wouldn't that have been worse?
Soh peered at Flora over the edge of her wine glass as her friend broached the topic of Koa. She'd seen them at the Festival of Lights and wondered if perhaps there wasn't something going on between them. "I don't know," she said honestly. "I think I messed it up badly enough the first time that I'd be content with just friendship. Maybe that's all we were ever supposed to be. What about you?" she countered, raising a brow at Flora. "In a perfect world, would you want to try and be with him? I'd share," she added with a laugh, to defuse tension just in case her guess was wrong.
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
I don't know wasn't the no of course not, silly! Flora had naively been hoping for. Running the fingers of one hand through her hair, she swallows and looks down already feeling her cheeks flushing. " 'k but you didn't answer me." She interjected much more softly than she intended to. Clearing her throat as if the sudden trembling quality to her voice was a result of her wine and not the cold slosh of emotions rising up in the back of her throat, she forced on a smile and fixed her friend with a knowing look.
"You had feelings for him before. Big enough to mention to your boyfriend. I can't imagine those are just gone." Draining her wine glass, Flora uncoiled her legs in order to go get more wine for the both of them, but remained on the couch, wanting to hear Soh's answer first.
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
It didn't escape Soh's notice that her question, too, had gone unanswered. She downed the rest of her wine, contemplating her situation and how to best respond. The truth was, she was still halfway in love with Koa, and if he'd take her, she'd go to him in a heartbeat. But that wasn't fair to anyone - not to Koa, not to Jude, not even to Flora, if her guess was correct. If she went to Koa now, then everything she'd put them all through would be for no good reason.
But as far as she knew, Flora had always been honest with her, and she was a good friend - so Soh took a deep breath. "No, they're not gone. In a perfect world, I'd like to try again with him," she admitted softly. "But it's not a perfect world, and I doubt I'll get the chance, and that's okay."
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
Flora felt her stomach clench hard enough to nearly make her gasp, and she might have too were her teeth not carefully clenched together to protect against precisely that sort of thing. Swallowing hard and bobbing her head a few too many times, she forced a quick smile before waggling her empty glass. "Be right back." She managed, all but leaping up from the couch and fleeing to the kitchen for more wine and the safety of being able to let her guard down for just a split second.
Knowing that this was coming didn't make it any easier, and as she reached for another bottle of wine with trembling fingers, she had to bite at the inside of her lip hard enough to draw a copper bead of blood to keep her tears at bay. While she'd known she had feelings for Koa, nothing and no one had really made her take a long hard look at them until maybe just this moment, and now that she was, gods but hated what she saw.
If it was a choice, Koa would choose Sohalia. Though she couldn't say how she knew, Flora did. Soh was better, kinder, and beautiful in the way an evergreen dusted with snow was beautiful, leaving Flora looking like a plastic overly decorated fake in comparison. "Fuck," she whispered to herself, before tilting her chin up so that the tears threatening to stream down her cheeks wouldn't smear her mascara.
Returning, she waggled the bottle and chuckled apologetically. "Sorry, got lost." She murmured, and before she could look at her friend, she repoured their glasses and then some.
"I've seen the way Koa looks at you, and though he might be as thickheaded as literally any other boy is, I don't think you've ruined things." Looking down into her wine, Flora took a slow breath. "I think you should probably go for it, but, before you do, I just..I need to tell you something."
To kiss in cars and downtown bars Was all we needed
There was definitely something going on with Flora, even if Soh had missed the mark entirely about Koa. But before she could ask, Flora had forced a cheerful "be right back" and fled to the kitchen, leaving Soh to think over her words.
She wanted more with Koa. She hadn't realized just how badly until perhaps this moment, and it blindsided her completely, leaving her speechless as Flora bustled about in the kitchen. She hadn't dared to hope or dream, but when Flora had asked, she had simply known. But she'd had her chance, hadn't she? And she'd blown it.
Tarak shifted on his tower, whistling a soft note in her general direction, and she pushed back a silent refrain of I'm fine. And even if it wasn't true yet, it would be, one day. She would be fine. Eventually.
Flora returned with more wine, and Soh murmured a soft thank you as her friend reseated herself. She peered at Flora over her too-full wine glass, her brow furrowed. She didn't particularly agree with the Doubletake's assessment - she rather thought she'd had her shot and blown it. But that wasn't the important thing, not right now. "You can tell me anything, Flora," she said, reaching out to grasp her friend's hand and offer an encouraging smile.
You drew stars around my scars But now I'm bleedin'
"Yeah, no I know." Flora agreed, glancing over her shoulder at Sohalia before looking back at her wine glass. Clutching it far too firmly, the girl gave her head a little shake, trying to force out a laugh but managing just a strangled sort of sound instead.
"So like..since you didn't grow up here, you probably don't know, but like...Koa was my first." Hazarding another glance at the Luminary before helping herself to a large sip of wine, Flora smiled softly and forced herself to go on. "It was like..right after my brother died and it got super dramatic and that's why when we talked about it last I said he was scum and to avoid him, because he crawled out my window in the middle of the night." Laughing and finding that the joy of that memory now stung in the back of her throat, the Doubletake curled her toes in an effort to refocus her thoughts.
"Anyways, recently we've just like..been hanging out, you know? And we slept together again, and..." Unable to think past the roar of her own pulse in her ears, Flora set her wine glass down and turned to Soh, reaching for her friend's hands. "But listen, it's totally nothing." She lied effortlessly, and not just because she'd had years of practice.
If Koa would choose Sohalia, then...then what was the point of even trying to stand in the way? Why set herself up for that kind of pain?
"So I really do mean it. You should totally go for it, I just wanted you to know so that it didn't, like, randomly come out at your wedding or something."
