are there still beautiful things?

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

The Skyport was chaos.

In the wake of the meteor crash, it seemed that everyone had the same idea that Soh had - or, at least, a similar enough idea to make it almost impossible to navigate the port. Some people, she was sure, were rushing to check on family or friends who had been less fortunate than the people of Stormbreak. Those, she marked by their tearstained cheeks and frantically-packed luggage. She understood their fear and pain - she, too, had loved ones scattered across Caido.

And ex-loved ones.

But she refused to dwell on Jude right now.

The girl scrubbed a hand over her face as she walked through the port, a duffel bag in her other hand. She was unusually disheveled, having thrown on the first clothes she'd found in her closet and pulled her hair into a messy bun atop her head, but the real hint that something was bothering her lay in the circles under her eyes. She hadn't been able to get a full night's sleep since that meteor had appeared as a second moon, and she doubted she'd be able to any time soon, either.

Her gaze caught on a squad of Dragoons, no doubt organizing to deploy to one of the harder-hit regions. She'd agonized about the decision to send them, worrying that not only would it leave Stormbreak defenseless, but that it would send the wrong message to the other regions. Hopefully, they would understand that Stormbreak only wanted to help.

One of the Dragoons was easily recognizable. "Koa," she called softly, seeking him out without really even knowing why. When he turned towards her, she gestured towards a nearby skyship. "Where are you headed?"

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes
No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

This has been Koa's mental dialogue for the past 12 hours or so. No room for panic, no room for fear: just a steady stream of fuckaducks acting as drumbeat he can march along to, purposeful and stressed. Since the moon fell the soldier's been on his feet, organizing Dragoons, calming civilians, talking to fellow soldiers, trying to keep afloat. Disheveled and exhausted, his cropped hair wild and his uniform smudged, Koa is a shadow of his usual self, beset by bags under his eyes and fueled by too many cups of coffee to count.

And yet somehow despite it all his composure hasn't faltered. Somehow despite the exhaustion and chaos, Koa has managed to thrive.

He spins on his heel at the sound of his name, copper eyes sharp above the bags. "Sohalia!" Peeling away from his contingent of soldiers, the young man rushes up to his Heart. Without hesitation he wraps his arms around her, squeezing tight as though to reassure himself she's real.

Then just as quickly he lets her go, stepping back to give her space.

"We're organizing Dragoons to help the other regions. I'll be going to Torchline." His bright eyes are serious as he takes in her duffel, as well as her disheveled appearance. "What about you?"

Koa

No other version of me I would rather be tonight
And, Lord, she found me just in time

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

Sohalia wished she could maintain her composure, that she could thrive under pressure, but at the moment, she felt like it was all she could do not to let the current drag her under. Still, as Koa strode over to her, she repeated her own internal mantra: I will not cry, I will not cry, I will not cry. She returned the hug, burying her face in his chest for a moment, the only slip of her composure she would allow. His arms around her made her feel safe and protected, however briefly, and she managed to smile up at him when he stepped away.

Even if it didn't quite reach her exhausted eyes.

Her gaze flickered to the contingent of soldiers behind him and back. "Torchline," she said. "I don't know how much help I'll be, but with the meteor that close..." Her brow furrowed. She only hoped there was a Torchline left for her to help.

She shook herself, crossing an arm over her chest to grasp the opposite elbow. There was a beat of silence as she searched Koa's face. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she wanted to tell him. But Jude's cruel words whispered desperate in her mind, and for the first time, she felt herself withdraw.

"Look, be careful, okay?" she said, worry clear in her face, tightening her grip on her arm to keep from reaching for him. "We don't know anything about what's happening out there."

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes
No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight

He looks down at her with tired eyes, too exhausted and worried to be troubled by their past. Her declaration has him hissing in a breath, brows tugging close as he bites his lip. Torchline. Something curls in Koa's chest, heavy and cold and stinking of fear. Reports out of Torchline had been especially worrying, and with what they witnessed the night before...

"Soh... maybe you should stay." Koa's voice, while soft, wavers with fear. Copper eyes dart between her blues, the crease between his brows furrowing deeper. He reaches back for her, large hands gripping her shoulders, as though to anchor here, where things are okay. "It's... it's not safe. What if something happens to you? What will Stormbreak do?"

What will I do? remains unsaid, but there's little in his face to hide the concern.

Koa

No other version of me I would rather be tonight
And, Lord, she found me just in time

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

When Koa reached up to grip her shoulders, Soh was damned if her traitorous body didn’t lean into his touch. It was just so… nice, the affection, is that indeed was what it was. She didn’t realize how much she missed it in the wake of the breakup and its aftermath. Once she’d been flustered by the slightest touch, but now… Now she craved it.

Maybe that was part of what Jude had meant when he called her desperate.

Soh shoved the boy from her mind. He’d made his thoughts on her crystal clear. Low, on the other hand…

The Heart lifted her free hand to lay in on one of Koa’s where it gripped her shoulder. ”I can’t stay here,” she said gently. ”Not if there’s something I could do to help.” Even if she didn’t know what that was yet. She had no special powers other than determination, but it was that stubbornness that drove her on. She had to do something.

”Stormbreak will be fine,” she whispered, but were they really talking about the city? The girl looked away to hide the longing that suddenly appeared in her eyes. Koa would be fine without her. Hell, he’d probably be better off. Her fingers tightened on his and she swallowed hard. ”It would… move on.”

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes
No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight

He doesn't like it even a little, that's clear enough upon his face. The idea of her going to Torchline - into disaster - is terrifying, both from a personal and professional standpoint. Part of him wishes he could anchor here, could lock her in a cell in the Needle - a nice, comfy one, just until she sees sense. He probably could, honestly. Just scoop her up and shield her away.

He doesn't. But he could.

Swallowing down the urge to lock her away, Koa contents himself with searching in her face. "You know that isn't true," he murmurs, brow furrowed as she looks away. Gently, so gently, he reaches out, right palm cupping her chin within it, forcing her to turn back to him. What she'll see there... well, he doesn't rightly know. There's too many emotions for him to make sense of them, and too much exhaustion to hide them away.

His heart is too tired to flutter, too heavy for boyish bursts. But it cannot keep him from stepping forward, intimacy and closeness and things unsaid hanging in their shared air. "You aren't alone, Sohalia," Koa whispers, rough thumb running along her cheek. "You don't have to do this alone." Let me help you, his eyes are pleading. Let me carry some of it. Even just for now.

Koa

No other version of me I would rather be tonight
And, Lord, she found me just in time

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

There was too much going wrong in the world to fully block it out, but Koa's proximity certainly wasn't helping her to keep her head on straight. If he asked her to, would she stay? She might not do it for Stormbreak - after all, she had a council to keep things running if something were to happen to her - but would she do it for him? There's always Flora, whispered a quiet, mean thing in the back of her mind. She swallowed. No, Koa would be fine without her. Even if her heart hurt to think of it.

He cupped her face in one hand, forcing her to meet his gaze, and for a moment, she wondered if it was possible to drown in his copper eyes. She tried to make sense of the raw emotion playing across his face, but it was too much. "Koa..." she whispered, but she wasn't sure what to say, whether to reassure him that he would be fine without her, or beg him to come with her, or something else entirely. Her own emotions were plain on her face, even as she tried to hide them. So much for creating distance, for relying only on herself.

Because at the end of the day, Koa was wrong. She was alone, and she had no one to blame but herself. Asking him to carry that burden? Desperate, whispered that insidious voice. Selfish.

But her walls began to crumble anyway. She'd never been strong enough to keep them standing.

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia

So tired trying to see from behind the red in my eyes
No better version of me I could pretend to be tonight

There's a moment where Koa thinks everything could change, the possibilities of their futures hanging delicately on a razor's edge. It's a moment of potential, of crystal facets and branching pathways, of their shared and synchronized breaths. In that moment Koa looks at Soh and sees the future they could have, a future he's dreamt of, just beyond his reach. A future he extends to her once more, the copper in his eyes pulsing in time his heart as once again he offers himself as a keeper of her heart.

And once again, she says no.

And here is where a stronger man might grant Sohalia grace.

Where a humble man might recognize that hesitation is not rejection.

Where a wiser man might realize that this moment is one of many, and to pin his hopes on a ship in a storm is a foolish thing indeed.

But Koa is not a stronger man. He is tired, and he is weak, and he is already worn thin.

Koa is not a humble man; he is proud, and he is stubborn, and he has already been wounded once before.

And Koa is not a wiser man. Hell, he's scarcely a man at all: moreso a boy playing at adulthood, hoping that if he postures at maturity long enough he will some day, in fact, be mature.

All of which is to say that Sohalia's non-answer is answer enough, at least for today. In his mind he has offered himself to her, and if she does not want him - if he still isn't enough for her - he is not going to beg. The light in his eyes dims alongside his smile as the young man drops his hand from her cheek, trying to keep the ache in his chest from blooming across his face.

"I'll make sure some Dragoons accompany you. And I'll go to Halo first, then Torchline." His shrug is easy, his tired voice mild as he takes a nonchalant step back, ready to turn and walk away. "Like I've always said - I love Stormbreak. Anything I can do to help keep this place safe, I will."

Because no matter how many times its Heart might break his, Stormbreak will always hold his soul.

Koa

No other version of me I would rather be tonight
And, Lord, she found me just in time

To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed

Sohalia stared at the Dragoon as his hand dropped from her cheek, suddenly feeling cold and alone and confused, because the quick distance that rose between she and Koa was entirely unexpected, and she had to have done something wrong, because that's all she apparently knew how to do, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was.

"What -" she half-gasped, her free hand, slipping up to touch where his hand had been just a moment before, as confusion and hurt and a myriad of other emotions flashed across her face. Koa took a step back, and prepared to leave, and she knew she should let him go, because if even a simple conversation like this could hurt him, then she should stay far, far away and leave him the hell alone -

Except she wasn't a strong person, was she? Maybe, if she had been, none of this would have happened to begin with.

And as a not-strong person, she couldn't bear the idea of him walking away. Not right now. Not like this.

What if she never saw him again?

So despite the voice in the back of her mind that hissed that she deserved this, that she should let him go and leave him be and go back to a life of solitude, the Heart stepped forward, closing the gap that Koa had made between them, and reached out for his hand. "Wait, don't - don't go," she begged, dropping her voice so that only he could hear her. Her mind scrambled for something to say, something to keep him with her. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

"I don't want to lose you," she whispered, forcing herself to meet his gaze even as everything in her begged to pull away, to let go, to cower inside the silent insistence of her guilt and shame and self-loathing. "I just - I don't want to hurt you anymore, either, and -" Gods, how was she supposed to explain what was going on inside her mind? She hardly understood it herself, and she was loathe to be vulnerable again, not when allowing one person into her heart had so thoroughly shredded it. Much less two people.

How could she give him the power to break her, when so much relied on her remaining unbroken?

She took a deep breath and was mortified to find that she was trembling. "I've made so many mistakes when it comes to you," she told him finally. "I don't want to keep making them, but it seems like that's all I manage to do. I - I can't -" Everything she wanted to say was slipping through her fingers, thoughts flashing by too quickly to hold onto. She should let him go. This was stupid, and desperate, and selfish, and all the things she hated about herself brought heat to her cheeks and tears to her eyes, and she bit the inside of her cheek, using the sudden burst of pain to keep it all at bay.

"What if all I ever do is hurt you?" she asked, pain and worry and self-loathing clear on her face. And maybe that was the real problem - that she couldn't trust herself anymore, not after everything she'd done, everything she'd ruined. "What if me being alone is..." What I deserve. "Better for you?"

You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'

Sohalia