[SEASONAL EVENT] When you try your best but you don't succeed

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun "What?" Remi gasped, horrified. "But...why?" He asked, an unhappy twist of grief on his lips. "I am so sorry you had to endure that." He added belatedly, sounding a bit guilty that it hadn't been his initial reaction. Biting the inside of his cheek hard at the worry and concern in Sam's voice and writ clearly on his face, Remi parted his lips as if to say something, winced, and then remained silent. His brows knitted themselves into a line of despair as he inwardly wrestled with what he ought to do and say. He couldn't remember the time he had promised Sam that he'd never again lie to him or only tell him half truths, but even without that memory the alchemist was hesitant to mislead this man, this now-stranger once so much more. "You went to the Voice. She removed some of your memories." Remi said, the vagueness of his statement making him inwardly flinch, his stomach rolling unhappily. "The same happened to me, though with Ludo and not the Voice." He continued quickly, hoping that Sam would latch onto this latter bit. 'It can be quite disorienting even if you are unaware that anything has happened. Wholes in your mind where you did not even know there was anything missing." Pausing, he offered the bookmaker a sympathetic smile despite how his cheeks were subtly flushing. "It will pass though. Things will settle." When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? "I have long stopped trying to guess why the Gods do things." Sam commented, defeated. He did not know who exactly was responsible for the trick in the Spire, but whoever it was he was sure they did it for their own sick pleasure, for whatever celestial reason Gods held that still seemed awfully like cruelty to mere mortals. But the morals of the Gods paled in comparison to what Remi had to tell him. Removed...memories..? Sam lifted his fingers to his temple as if it would help him feel the loss, his lips slightly parted as he tried to comprehend what Remi was telling him. There were holes in his mind, stories that didn't quite match up and things he didn't remember exactly, but he had assumed it a symptom of his usually poor mental health. "I...do you know what I'm missing? Please, that is most distressing, I...I need to know. Did I know you before?" Sam pushed his hand up through his hair. "Why would The Voice do that to me?"

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun Remi groaned in acknowledgement. On the subject of gods he very much doubted there would ever be an expert. Still, it was unsettling to know that such a price had to be paid to reach the top of the Spire. "Then you are wrong to say that you did not do much. It sounds as though you did more than anyone should ever be asked to do." Remi said finally, wanting to offer some sort of comfort to Sam, but feeling the prickly shards of his heart halting the movement. "I do." Remi answered slowly, his eyes raising at a glacial pace to eventually meet Sam's. It was so hard to look into those eyes and see ghosts of a life that would never be lived. He very much did not want to be having this conversation, but of course out right lying was not something he was prepared to do, no matter how barbed he wanted to be. "Yes, you did know me. And the Voice did it because you asked her." Swallowing slowly, his cheeks reddening Remi hugged his arms about himself. "I think had you wanted to know what it was she removed from you, you would have left yourself a note. That you did not...Well. It was a decision that you made, it is not my place to tell you. It was not what you wanted." He said finally, voice low and fingers trembling ever so slightly against his arms. When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? Remi was kind to him, reassuring him that he had done all he could; Sam wondered if such kindness came easily to the Alchemist. He was not used to gentleness in any of it's forms and felt himself lean forward, trying to drink it in. But still...the idea of him asking anyone to erase his memories felt absolutely alien to Sam; he was sure that Remi had to be mistaken. The only memories he had that he considered worth getting rid of were those of his childhood, and he still unfortunately had those, could replay every insult and punishment at the peak of any average flashback. Remi's refusal to tell him more had him immediately shaking his head. "No, please. I...I keep diaries, I always have, so I might have thought I'd read it there. Please...tell me." There was a sharp and vulnerable edge to his voice, the idea of experience lost deeply painful for him. "I...I deserve to know my own life, don't I?"

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun As Sam leaned forward, Remi felt his chin rise in an animalistic-esque display of willpower to remain where he was despite the frenzy of his senses. The alchemist shrugged at the mention of diaries. Early on it might have sparked hope inside of himself, enough to ignite what little debris there was left in his soul. But the ramifications of what Sam had done were like a downpour leaving nothing left which could hold a flame. Reading words on a page was not the same as remembering. "That is not for me to decide." Remi said in almost a whisper, the edge in his voice like the mirrored-edge of Sam's. "The you that had all the information made this choice, and decided not to tell the future you. I think he decided that it would be best for you not to know." At this, Remi's eyes dropped and the hand around his own arm tightened. He decided it best for us both not to know. When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? Remi was clearly upset with him but when Sam knew none of his sins, it was hard to rectify them. He was not by nature bold and could not find it in him to demand further that Remi tell him things that obviously hurt him to think about. "...I...see. Um." With his head still clouded from before and this conversation proving itself to be a minefield, he did not feel comfortable saying much. Sam sipped at his water, wondered what it could possibly be he had erased that Remi was so upset about. The location of some priceless artefact? The existence of some wondrous secret? The idea of a relationship was considered but rather quickly dismissed. People like Remi did not like people like him. But whatever it was he had clearly hurt him. "I...I'm sorry. For hurting you so, even though I don't remember it. I...I am sure whatever it was, it was not...because of you, or...well, I cannot say why it was. But I do apologise now, if that helps to soothe it a little. I hope we can be...civil? With each other? At least? I do owe you a debt for saving me."

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun Remi's lips formed a silent O as Sam spoke. He hadn't realized he wasn't being civil, but then again it was not as though he'd been entirely the master of his emotions lately. "Of course we can. I apologize, I...suppose I did not think I would ever have this conversation with you." He added with an apologetic wince. "I was not prepared, I did not mean to seem curt." Running the pads of his fingertips over eyes that felt as weary and heavy as the rest of him, Remi tried his best to smile. "You owe me nothing. I was simply in the right place at the right time. Isla did all of the healing, I merely brought you in." He continued with a small smile. When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? Sam had meant civil in a more general future sense, had said it more to cover any potential anger Remi had towards him; still he did not correct him, far too awkward to point out the mistake. He just smiled, nodded, drank the last of the water and shakily tried to sit up (there was no pain, but his body felt drained as if he'd been running for days). "Still you saw me in the street and took me in. I...don't think everyone would." He hugged himself, chewed at his lip as he considered the large hall, so empty with just them and Isla in there, Aoife in the corner. "Is it just...you and the baby, and Isla here? You know, if you wanted some more company, or I could make you some simple meals, bring you some tea..." Last time he had offered help it had been denied, but now that the air between them had been cleared Sam hoped Remi might take him up on something, so that he could feel useful in the face of the awful situation Remi was now in. "Anything I can help with...because I would like to give back to you, even if I do not owe you. It sounds...like I have hurt you before."

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun Had this been Northaven Remi would have agreed with the bookmaker; many indeed might have left him in the streets. But the Hollowed Grounds seemed different...still, it wasn't worth arguing the point. As Sam offered both an apology as well as company, for a long moment all the alchemist could do was regard him silently. What I want you to give back is my memories. My memories of a time when I loved you, and not just from words on a page. From you. He wanted to answer. You have not just hurt me, you have thrown away something you knew was precious. You said I was not worth remembering. You said love, and then you didn't just run, you destroyed. You abandoned me when I needed you most. But bitterness was not a cloak the alchemist wore well, and eventually he would have to let it fall, if only because the energy it took to keep it up was energy he could not give Aoife. And so instead of saying all of that, instead of letting his eyes burn with tears, his body tremble with need and anguish, Remi merely sighed softly and nodded. "Yes it is just us here. Though Sugar is here as well." He looked at he lips he had once kissed. The hand that had held his as Sam said they could have a thousand more. "Thank you. I appreciate the offer." When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? Sam was quiet as Remi looked him over, unaware of the thoughts running through the other man's head. Had he known he was the subject of such words he would have been mortified, would have scrambled to do anything to fix it; would have dropped to his knees and kissed Remi's feet and begged for a more whole forgiveness. But he could not read minds and he did not know their past, and Sam could only hope he could rectify whatever he had done in time (though he would read the diaries later, his curiosity insatiable). "You're welcome. Um...c..could you.." Sam looked over to the dragon and the baby as the words walk me home died on his lips. Remi had too much on and he was only a little wobbly. He would be alright if he took it slow. "Never mind. I think I might be alright to make my way home. But I will come soon with some things to help." With this promise made he slowly lowered one leg to the ground, twisted his foot a few times to try and find a good balance then let the other one join it, swaying just slightly as he fully stood.

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun An almost wounded look crossed Remi's face as Sam began to make his request. The look of a man who had been beaten and bruised, but like a good and servile companion, would still agree to whatever it was Sam needed. Luckily the bookmaker let his request faded away. However as Sam moved to stand appearing shaky and weak, Remi bit the inside of his cheek with shocking force and closed his eyes. Hating Sam for what he'd done would be so easy, but Remi didn't hate. He never had and likely never would. The alchemist would always put others before himself, even those whose memories of kept him up at night and plagued his dreams with once upon a times and could have beens. "You need to drink. If only a little so that you can make it to the Voice." The alchemist said, his voice resigned and his eyes weary but sure. This would break him again he knew, but the hesitation he'd felt earlier had passed. He had an enormous capacity for suffering, he'd been forced to learn recently. It was deep enough to endure more, if only to strengthen Sam. When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? "Drink? Oh." When Sam had suggested such earlier it had been a hypothetical, something he didn't really mean; he was just going to go to the Shrine, take the sustenance he needed from The Voice who gave it readily and willingly, who would not be harmed by it. He had never (as far as he knew) bitten anyone and was not about to start now with the sad alchemist, their unknowable past like a taunt string between them. He shook his head and took another couple of shaking steps toward the door. "I will just go the temple, to the Shrine. Ask The Voice for help. I cannot ask you for anymore, Remi. You really have done enough." Why was Remi offering so much help to him, when it clearly hurt? Because he loves you. Sam wasn't sure where the thought came from but immediately dismissed it. It wasn't true, but it was a half-truth, a swing in the right direction, more than the absolutely wrong answer he thought it to be.

REMI ABRUZZO When these weary days, when these days are done We'll be in the sun "Sam." Remi said, not moving from where he was but using his voice to approximate what it would be like to bridge the distance between the two men and reach for Sam's arm. "I cannot go with you, not with Aoife and Sugar here. This is all I can offer you. You will not make it to the temple that way that you are, but I can give you the strength to go." Should Sam turn to look at Remi, he'd see the alchemist standing in a pale beam of sunlight, thin shirt clinging to his athletic frame, with one hand outstretched, palm up. When these weary days, when these days are through I'll be working my way back to you

Samuel Tell me little dear if you've only lived here, have you ever really lived at all? Sam froze when his name was spoken with such force, shaking legs that needed momentum to keep going almost dropping him but he managed to stay up for the moment, turning to look at Remi. He was almost angelic in the light, the fabric of his shirt revealing enough to be indecent but the offer and the outstretched hand making him seem a symbol of purity and generosity. "I...I've never bitten anyone. I'm not sure how to.." He trailed off as something inside him told him that instinct would take over, that he had the method deeply programmed into his newly-made brain. "I don't want to hurt you." Still though, Remi was right; he would not make it to the temple. He was struggling to stay upright in the hall, having to suddenly grab onto the back of a chair to keep from falling. "Maybe just...the smallest amount." With a sigh he awkwardly held out a hand for Remi to place his wrist into then leaned in, teeth grazing at his skin. "...Thank you." He whispered, before biting.