From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
On closer inspection, no place within the Climb was really cool. Not in the sense of fresh air and spaces that didn't make you sweat. But if ever a traveler had gone through the gloomy edgelord phase in their youth, Maea was sure they would appreciate the frothy blood waterfall or the black obsidian cathedral with its massive stone slab and the sacrificial bowl that smelled ever so faintly of blood. Had Evie ever been the broody type? She couldn't recall.
Either way it was too late to change the meeting spot now, and Maea really did have business to tend to here. Taking the time to stop before leaving the Crust, Maea collected a sack of ash and hauled it along down the sweltering tunnels. While waiting for Evie to get there, she unpacked the dress Ronin helped her pick out and carefully spread it out on the floor.
Sitting back on her heels, Maea paused to admire the thing. It looked even more impressive now, after a tailor had customized it for her. Black velvet fabric, a plunging decolletage, slits in the skirt and underskirts of luminous crimson dip dye that peaked through just enough to add interest... it boggled the mind to think it was hers. Her very own dress. A work of art that would turn even someone like her beautiful.
The idea of rubbing ash and blood all over it was actually painful, and she was still steeling herself mentally when the sound of footsteps announced the approach of another traveler. Looking up, she hoped it really was Evie - this wasn't the right place for random encounters.
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Evie regrets coming almost immediately. Were she not so bullheadedly devoted to proving she is a far different woman than the secretive cattiness of her youth, perhaps she would have turned Maea down more firmly. Deimos had nearly accompanied her despite all of her reassurances, but she had balked at the idea of losing the opportunity for vulnerability with Maea. Not that she’d ended up without an escort of any kind - no, she is accompanied by one of their Shields, a lieutenant at that. Evie doesn’t chafe at his presence; it’s a comfort to know he’s there, and that her husband - bless his heart - cares so much for the safety of her and their child.
Still, by the time she arrives she is sweat-laced and flushed, plainly uncomfortable with the excessive heat and wishing the Academy blessing protected against the opposite side of inclement weather. She’s dressed in a linen sundress that flows out from beneath her modest bust, concealing her already minimal belly all the more. Much as she wants to repair bridges, Evie isn’t sure she wants to share this particular news just yet, when everything remains so uncertain between them.
Signaling the Shield to stay only within sight but not earshot, Evie gives him a reassuring smile before turning and walking toward Maea alone. She isn’t prone to falling back on old habits like masks and leading with overt behavior anymore, but she does feel awkward and out of place enough to fiddle with the edges of her dress as she aims a smile toward the Ancient. “Hi. I hope you weren’t waiting long,” she leads, uncertain what else to say just her. As she approaches she can see the dress and its details more clearly, and she tilts her chin toward it with a complimentary smile. “Beautiful dress. Is it for something in particular?” The Evergreen assumes it would be something positive, which will hopefully set the conversational tone.
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
It was Evie. Evie plus one. While she hadn't expected an addition, hindsight made it obvious that a region's ruler would bring an escort while traveling to dangerous places. Looking at the soldier a second time Maea was almost more surprised that it wasn't Deimos himself - and wondered what she would have done if it was. Would it make things more awkward, or less?
She knew, at the very least, that she couldn't be further from the person she had been when they grew up. It was more than the obvious horns that jutted from her temples, or the tail that kept her balanced in her crouch. It went beyond the black clothes and the sharp teeth and the wary gleam in her eyes as she followed the red-head; all the way to the tilt of her chin and the subtle strength as she rose to her feet in a single motion.
The old Maea would never meet Evie's gaze directly. The old Maea would have apologized for the heat, made some excuse as to why she hadn't known so much would be different from her last visit. The young Maea would be used to little needles and barbs that made sure to remind her that she was the basket case here, second to Amalia in favor and desperately grateful to have any friends at all.
Had it all been on purpose? Maybe not. Had much of these perceptions inflated and grown over the years, until reality was warped beyond recognition? Possibly. The instinct to cower her shoulders was there. But she refused to give in to it, and bit off a smile, sharp and lopsided - filled with irony at the way words on paper could build bridges even in this scorching place.
"Hi. Not long - I had some things to do." Nodding down to the dress, she gestured at the bag of ashes. "It's going to become armor. Or so I hope. First I'll have to ruin it."
Turning to look at her old friend, Maea allowed herself to really look. Take in the red hair, the freckles, the familiar curve of her nose and the way her head moved. So familiar, in a haunting kind of way - like looking at a ghost - because this woman was not the Evie she had known. How many years had it been, since they last spoke? That awful delve into the cannibal den up in Halo? That made it eight years at least, maybe more. Dragging up the past after so many years... they had to be insane, both of them. There was no way they could do this without someone getting hurt in the process.
Maea drew in a shallow breath, only to let it out slowly. Bracing herself. "Would you like to help?"
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
The visual differences are shocking, yes, but Evie is surprised to find they are not overtly so. Perhaps it's because it has been eight years already, and she had thought Maea to be long dead. Time, appreciation for life, whatever it was; Evie finds herself looking upon the loreseeker with fresh eyes. Much is familiar, and she can't deny that - she'd known Maea most of her young life after all. Yet age alone could make a person seem new and unknown, and Evie is grateful for the chance to take it all in anew if nothing else.
Her differences in demeanor are obvious, but Evie suspects her own are the same, and determinedly does not make comparisons or other assumptions based on them. Instead, she takes the time she's given to peruse the dress to inhale the hot, humid air slowly, considering.
"Well that's a bit of a shame, but at least it will be for a good cause. You can always have another made," she points out, assuming Maea could return to the seamstress or shop where she'd purchased it if she'd become attached to the garment. The offer to help has her eyes coming back to Maea, unaware of the scrutiny she'd been subjected to. Her smile is warm and loosely graceful in a way it had never been in her youth; eternal strictures of mockery or otherwise tightly held in manners that would please her practically-royal parents. "Sure. What can I do?" Evie has tuned her mind for healing and politics for years before she even saw Maea in the caverns below Halo - when she'd been Loren's right hand, and had needed all her wiles and wits to convince tight-lipped Halovians to allow her to treat them. Perhaps giving Maea some power to wield will allow the both of them to loosen up.
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
"Hopefully that won't be necessary." She chose to keep the nature of the task to herself, at least for now. It felt too much like bragging to say she had met a god, and the nature of Dygra was other enough that she didn't wish to invite objections. If there were any.
Gesturing to the sack, Maea shifted to sit on her knees. "There are ashes in that. I need to cover the dress with them. They should be cool enough for you to touch... but if you want to just hold the bag open, that would help."
Having a task at hand made things easier. With no need to look at Evie, she could pretend it was anyone at all - with no relation to recall, no pains to overcome or set herself above.
"Did you have a difficult time getting here?" Starting over meant not assuming anything. Maea wasn't the best at small talk, but this had been her idea, and that meant she had to try.
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Evie's smile is still genuine, but she says nothing more, feeling wooden and uncertain internally. This feels...fruitless. If they are just pretending and small-talking, what does that really achieve? They won't know each other any better for all the social propriety they exude. It makes her feel like a whipped mule, punished for mistakes she wants to atone for, but isn't even given the opportunity to aside from having it dangled in front of her face. She tries to tell herself it's just the hormones talking, but she isn't certain if that holds any water here.
Sitting is a lot harder, and Evie struggles a little gracelessly to the ground beside Maea. Her crossed legs have to splay a little wider for her modest belly, but at least it's not much of a strain. Merely holding the bag would surely be easier on her body, but Evie's pregnancy has been blessedly easy, so she takes the option of actual work instead. Here, too, there are indelible changes - she levitates the bag to herself without thinking, and as she dips her hand in to coat her palm in ash, the wind around them stirs to thread through her fingers to cool any heat she can't handle against her skin. No longer hiding scared the way she had done her entire life.
"Not too bad. Deimos flew me most of the way," she admits, having to snap her tongue against the roof of her mouth when she nearly continues on to say it's because skyboats haven't been agreeing with her, aware that the niceties of small-talk would dictate Maea ask why, even if she didn't care. "I took over the Arcane Academy from Hotaru Kaito recently, and the blessing of cold resistance still stands, so travel - even in Leafchange - is much easier, at least regarding temperature." She tries to be the one to extend a hand beyond the basics of social interaction, leaving herself vulnerable instead of demanding Maea do it. She had done more personal harm to Maea in their youths, though only Amalia and Deimos had ever validated her own suffering playing a large part in why. Evie is still uncertain how much she should believe them given the guilt she carries for it.
Deimos hadn't expanded fully on what he'd told Maea, but Evie spins her wedding ring subtly, self-soothing. "We got married in Flowerbirth. Deimos and I." And because she will never break his confidence on all Amalia had done to him, on how becoming Vi's chosen had changed her irreparably in Evie's own eyes, she knows it must seem...strange.
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
The ash was warm against her hands. Scooping it up in cupped palms felt quite similar to touch the velvet fabric in the dress, and that thought helped her as she placed handfulls of the swirling dust onto the black garment. Now it was begun, and nothing for it but to move on. One handful at a time, one step after the other.
Maea recalled what Remi had said about strength, and kept going.
"I remember that enchantment. It was very useful. Though when I was enrolled in the school I still had Ludo's shawl, which did much the same thing." Mention of magic would never fail to spark interest in her; that hadn't changed at all since they were children. "I brought plenty of water, so if you get thirsty just let me know." Wandering freely, her thoughts drew the parallell between the cold of Halo and the heat of the Climb, and considered the state of the Abandoned woman in this inhospitable environment.
A glance at Evie and her glistening brow actually had the Ancient pausing to retrieve the waterskin from her pack right away. Placing it between them - almost like a bridge, or a peace offering - she soon went back to the task of ashing the dress.
"I heard, though the gossip mill. Are you... happy?" No questions were asked. No mention of the Shield; Maea's relation to Amalia was even shakier than this, and it had been a long time since she stopped asking about her.
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Evie only begins placing the ash on the dress once Maea has, letting the Ancient be the first to take that step, knowing how intimate quests could be and how they were often designed to be much more than simple fetch commands. Or at least she assumes this is for a quest, unless Maea is performing some sort of emotional rite over a garment that holds memories for her - strange, but Evie wouldn't put it past her.
"It's definitely a benefit for Halovians, though we often host trainings elsewhere regardless for our Mer and Ancient students." She hopes that the gift is beneficial to all, even outside of Halo, but Hotaru - and now Evie - would not see students excluded because of their racial limitations. Even if it creates extra work.
The water set between them has Evie offering a smile to the side of Maea's face, cognizant of the fact the woman has yet to look at her for long but working past it as much as she can. "Thank you." Both because she needs it and to accept the olive branch, Evie takes the flask in hand and drinks from it before setting it back down between them, taking another handful of ash and smearing it onto the dress.
It's strange to think their wedding was large enough for something like the gossip mill - especially inter-regional gossip - but Evie often disregards the importance of the two of them being Wardens. Politics in Caido are usually self-contained and neutral, so leadership was not nearly the point of pride - or contention - that it had been in the Grounds of her youth. But she can't help smiling down at the ashen streaks she leaves on the dress, love and happiness illuminating her face immediately. "Happier than I've ever been in my entire life, I think," she confesses on a laugh that comes out nearly shy. "He's my best friend and my greatest supporter. I can't imagine living without him." And wherever life takes them, she will surely follow him to the ends of the earth, because everything else is trivial compared to staying by his side.
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
"Yeah? That's considerate of you. Much different from the first Academy ‐ do you still make your students face down ursurs?" A Half smile ghosted across Maea's lips, and she glanced aside at Evie when the woman accepted the water. Stealing looks while thinking herself unseen, it still made her reel to see her old friend. Shook her, to notice all the little ways in which they both had changed.
If she struggled to gaze openly at the Warden, it was only because Maea wasn't sure what expression her face would make when she did.
"That's good. I'm glad."
Truly. She really was. But along with the well wishes came a good deal of less savoury emotions that were not as kind. Jealousy, indifference, a very itchy desire to throw stones at that sweet smile of hers until it shattered and fell away. Surely she couldn't be the only one who felt old grievances burn like acid in the throat. Or was she? Amalia har always been perfect in her gracious forgiveness, in that preachy kind of way. Har Evie adopted it? Or did the catty bitch still live somewhere beneath that radiant glow?
That was part of the problem... she wasn't supposed to go digging for it. Forgiven and forget, move on, start over...
Except forgetting was proving harder than she thought. And the longer she pretended to be fine, the more she resented the charade.
A sigh escaped her. Scarred hands stopped in their motion of rubbing ash into every inch of the dress.
"Listen... I know this was my idea. But I don't know... this seemed a lot easier when I wrote the letter." Biting her jaws together, pushing the tidal wave of emotions back, and back, and back... She couldn't seem to just set them aside.
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Evie makes a face immediately at the notion of ursurs. "Definitely not. I never understood how that could possibly train your magic. It would be better to teach survival skills at best." Though even then, it would be so unpredictable and dangerous that Evie would never consider utilizing it as a training method. As a healer, she can only nightmare up all the injuries that could lead to, with no magical growth to show for it.
Evie goes quiet at the standard appreciatory sentiment, retreating back into awkward silence once more. She thinks that will be the end of it - or the beginning, if this is how the entire afternoon will be spent - because she wants to leave the power in Maea's hands, which means she can't force the issue. Not until Maea pauses, prompting Evie to do the same.
Humming softly, Evie sits back to provide a bit of relief on her belly, and uses her magic to cleanse the ash off her palm and guide it back into the bag as she considers her response. "We're stuck at an impasse," she admits readily. "We can either discuss our past head-on to purge the wound of poison, or we both make an agreement to let it lie and try to get to know each other as the changed women we are." Wiping her sweaty palms on her dress, Evie's expression is calm and ready when she lifts it toward Maea. "But the latter is only easy on paper. It requires swallowing a lot of bitter pills and forgiving wrongs without closure." Her smile goes wry, twisting at the edges. "So I suppose it comes down to which you'd prefer; re-opening old wounds, or painful small talk?"
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
It was with something akin to relief that Maea finally raised her head and faced the Evergreen. Letting go of the polite facade was like setting aside a corset bound too tight around the chest. Without the restraint, all hints of a smile fell away.
"I prefer honesty. So I won't lie and pretend that this is a wound that ever got a chance to heal at all. You may have been able to move on, but the best I could get was just forgetting about everything. That's pretty fucking hard though, with reminders all around me all the time."
The tension was clear in the lines around her eyes now. Clawed hands folded around the cloth of her trousers, as if holding on to something would help keep her from gesturing wildly.
"I'm not saying that you and Amalia are the source of all my problems, but damned if you're not part of them. You treated me like shit when we were little, and you lied to me about your magic. You left me alone with the stigma of being Abandoned, you drove my confidence into the ground, and you are most definitely the reason why I flinch every time someone question my capability of doing anything! How the fuck am I supposed to just get over that?"
By some miracle Maea kept her tone even. No shouting, just a growing intensity that was once fierce and fragile. Anger was rising, yes, but the true source of it stemmed from pain - so strong that the caught herself gasping for air.
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
Evie bears the tide of Maea's sudden outburst like stone against the tide, placid expression making it clear she's listening but keeping her own emotions in check. Whether it's out of deference or more healing than Maea has done - is perhaps even capable of - is unclear.
"I 'moved on' because I made myself heal that wound. With years in isolation, focusing on myself." She resents the idea that it came easily, or that she was somehow immune to the effects of their childhood and Maea - poor, fragile Maea - is still suffering. That old flame of irritation licks at her chest, but she extinguishes it with a sigh.
"What do you want out of this, Maea? For me to explain why I did it? That I lied about my magic because my parents threatened me day in and out, that my safety and livelihood depended on lying to everyone around me, because if I was kicked out I didn't have a devoted goddess to help me the way Sam did?" No god would have ever heeded her call, and for all Sam fought against the Voice, at least he hadn't needed to think about food, shelter, or other human needs that could so quickly end a life in the Grounds. "I despised you for your bravery. For having a family that loved and cared for you, even when you were ill and fragile, while mine held nothing but disdain for me while actively profiting off my tainted magical talents." Her apothecary had done much for the Grounds in their isolation, but her healing magic - unknown, and without ever obtaining consent from her patients - had done even more to uphold the ancient Wordsworth name.
"I can't tell you how to get over it. I got over it by realizing we were just children. Children doing our damnedest to survive, no matter the cost, in a situation no child should ever be in. I can't fault any of us for what we did to make it out alive." Especially not now, when she has a child of her own to project those experiences onto, to flinch away in horror at the idea of them going through all she and Maea had. It had been deeply wrong and unfair, and Evie had forgiven their various sins because of it. "I can apologize endlessly if you think that would help. I can avoid you, if you like. But at the end of the day, Maea, I was suffering too - and nobody cared. Least of all you. I had to find the rest within." Clearly, since Maea still blames her for things even now, which Evie finds unfair. The people Evie deserves apologies from are dead and in the ground, uncaring of things like closure and penance. She had grown past that, so why couldn't Maea?
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
"An apology would be a start, if you you can manage one that's honestly meant. It would be the first time I ever hear one."
Reaching for the sack, she dug her hands deep into the ash and scooped handfuls of it onto the velvet dress. Slamming it down, rubbing it in, and wondering if this facing of her demons head on would be considered as change. Would it please Dygra? Would it change anything?
At least speaking of her feelings was offering relief. Like lancing a boil. It couldn't be helped that the filth of it tainted the air between them. It had never been all that clear anyway.
"What I want is an acknowledgement that you know what you have done. I want you to stop gaslighting me into accepting that what you did to me was alright because you were in pain, and something I therefore should just ignore. Yeah, you were in a shitty position, but that wasn't my fault! I would have kept your secret if you told me about it. I would have done anything to defend you where your family didn't. But you never said anything!"
There was hurt there, deep and wounding. "Why didn't you tell me, Evie? Did you think I would give you away? That I couldn't keep quiet? You say nobody cared about your pain - but you never even gave me the chance to try."
Light is easy to love Show me your darkness
BASE INSPIRED BY ODD <3
♦ Violence, magic, thievery is permitted with Maea at all times. DM me if you have any ideas ♦
It’s unfair, but Evie can’t help but raise an eyebrow at the word gaslighting. She’s certainly not doing that right now, but it paints Mara’s vitriol in bright hues that Evie just…doesn’t have the energy or hurt to match. She has done her bleeding of the wound. Now she is just tired.
“I’m telling you my side, not excusing myself. The situation was too complicated and cruel and fucked up for it to be as simple as me hating you.” She frowns heavily, exhaling sharply through her nose in contrast to Maea’s bloodless knuckles and raised voice. “It wasn’t your fault. But that’s the point. Frankly Maea it wasn’t about you. Whether that makes you feel better or worse, everyone I hurt was so insignificant in the grand scheme of my suffering that so little of it was personal.” Shaking her head, she adjusts the way her dress sits on her skin for lack of anything else to do with her hands.
“I didn’t give you the chance because why would I? My life was on the line, Maea. If someone came after me, my parents wouldn’t protect me. Not like yours.” A safety in numbers and familial love that Evie had envied so badly it burned. “I thought about telling you constantly, though,” she confesses, far more softly and with eyes downturned. “But we were - all of us - so weak back then. Physically, magically. I didn’t think you could protect me against my family or the people who would hate me.” She bites her lip, remembering the terror she’d lived with everyday. It’s why she had hated Maea so much, why she had been so cruel. It had felt like the only revenge she could silently enact without giving away the truth of her emotions. “My parents knew, y’know? But even they demanded I pretend with them. I was taught from birth that I couldn’t trust anyone. My mom would slap me anytime I tried to mention it.” Her father had been too far above it to do more than leave the physical reprimands to her mother. It wasn’t like he’d cared for Evie’s mother much, given how Amalia came into the world. “How could I have broken that sort of mold on so many maybes? With such dire consequences?”
Evie hadn’t learned to trust anyone for many years more. Even Amalia had been lied to in so many ways, and in the end Amalia had returned the favor plentifully. They were both such damaged young women that Evie can’t blame her for it, but it helps that she’s gone. Just as it had been easier when Maea was presumed dead. You can’t ask for forgiveness from the dead, and Evie had been forced to do the rest of her growing on her own. “I was so bitter and lonely, surrounded by all these people who only knew and liked the fakest version of myself. You never pretended to be anything you weren’t, and it made me so jealous. So angry.” And she only expands upon it because it’s a compliment, really, to Maea’s dedication to her own sense of self. Proof that even back then, Evie hadn’t been blind to what made her special.
Shifting, Evie faces Maea fully, whether the Ancient turns to do the same or not. Her expression is open and deadly serious as she takes a long moment to collect herself, wanting to ensure Maea knows she’s not about to apologize on a whim. “I’m so sorry, Maea. For my cruelty all of our childhood, and how it continues to hurt you now.” Her voice wobbles slightly, and she has to take another deep breath before she can continue. “I can’t apologize for not trusting you, but I can tell you now that I believe you would have kept my secret if things had been different. I see your virtues, as I always have. And I’m sorry I didn’t praise them when you needed to hear it most.” And though it feels good to say instead of living with the words in her head for years, Evie can’t help but grieve too. Anyone who could possibly apologize to her the same way is dead and gone, and she’ll never know if they ever saw her kindly too. If she has amounted to anything in their eyes, though she has tried to stop caring about their approval given how terrible they’d been.
And The most beautiful thought Is the fact that I have always loved you
