it's delicate

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

It would be faster to wait for Ronin to sleep and dream himself home than it would be to fly from the Greatwood, and so instead of toiling away the hours awake, Remi let himself slip into a deep sleep to better prepare the Dreaming for Ronin's arrival there.

Puddles with sheets of ice that begged to be stepped upon and crunched were stretched toward the horizon until they were nearly the size of lakes. Around these the driest leaves were carefully arranged amidst sticks which would also happily snap when stepped upon. In the sky hung cotton-candy round clouds to be plucked down at will or filled with thunder and lightning. Though it was dusk, there was still plenty of light in the sky (read: not a star to be seen). Even so, a bonfire crackled merrily next to a snowbank which proudly sported several memory-snow penises and several whiskies in frosted glasses.

Pacing back and forth (and crunching some of the lake-ice beneath his feet), once he sensed Ronin had fallen asleep, Remi instantly sent his body to the Northaven before dragging the Nova into the world he'd created.

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

It doesn't take long for Ronin to fall asleep; surprising, perhaps, given the turbulence of the past few days, but considering that he knows sleep will bring him to Remi, maybe not so much. Either way, he plunges willingly into the Dreaming where he knows his husband waits, letting his soul shed the weight of the day that has passed without the Lullaby, settling into the world that blooms to life around him.

And while sticks and leaves and ice crunch satisfyingly underfoot, of course Ronin is only focused on one thing. "I missed you," he murmurs, eager hands curling around Remi's waist to draw him flush against his chest, lips already writing promises against the other man's temple and cheek.

"How was the Greatwood?"

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Smilighly delightedly despite himself, Remi dropped the glass of whiskey he'd been holding—no matter, he could dream up a thousand more—in order to wrap his arms around the Nova. "I missed you too." He agrees, making them out to be a pair of lovesick teenagers who couldn't go more than a day without one another, rather than years-married demigods.

"Jude and I dug up one of those plants for Torchline." Remi answers with a slight shrug. Pulling back with his cheeks deeply dimpled from Ronin's lips, he tried to paint the sky above them with the golden joy he felt to keep some of the darkness at bay if only for a few moments longer. "I stopped to see Ludo on the way, and..." Letting his hands drop from around his husband's waist, the Lullaby instead reached for his hands and interlaced their fingers together.

"..there is something I need to tell you." Knowing how (rightly) ominous that sounded, the Lullaby rolled his eyes a touch apologetically before nodding over his shoulder. "Walk with me?"

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

Feeling very much like a lovesick teenager, Ronin wants to wrap Remi up in his arms and hold him all night, or perhaps to initiate sloppy makeouts next to the bonfire; maybe even to drink until the buzz (however imagined) makes him liable to perform grand gestures to show his affection. Letting his fingers card gently through the Lullaby's curls as he draws back, his hum of acknowledgement is little more than that - he's sure the adventure with Jude was probably fairly interesting, but right now he only cares for the man in his arms and what the evening holds.

Only perhaps Ronin has misjudged what that might be, and as Ludo's name leaves Remi's lips, a few grey stormclouds are already trying to gobble up the golden light of the sky. "I think I had better," he agrees, already slipping an arm around the Lullaby and tucking his hand into his back pocket so they can stroll together. "I didn't think you were ever going to speak to Ludo again," he admits. Not for any particular reason other than it had been so long, and the herald itself didn't seem to be much bothered by it.

(And how lucky he feels Remi is for that).

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Had they lived in a time where such existed, Remi might have taken Ronin on some cheesy mall date where they could people-watch over frozen yogurt. Alas, it was around a lake of crunchy ice that the Lullaby guided the Nova, his own hand fit comfortably around Ronin's hip as they matched each other stride for stride.

"I had no plans to. Not until you came home the way you did the other night." Remi explains, shooting a look over his shoulder that acknowledged the need for an explanation. "You have known my thoughts on Safrin for some time, and though you have never pushed me when I said there were things about her that I could not tell you—" Times when Remi had been forced to yank himself away from Ronin lest his emotions betray the promise he'd made. "—after what she did, I could not do it anymore. I went to Ludo, said I could no longer keep the secret I had been forced to carry, and.." Laughing hollowly, the Lullaby swallowed and shook his head slowly.

"It agreed. You will not like what I have to tell you, and though I do not know whether you will be more angry or sad when you hear what I have to say, I thought it best you hear the news here where you can do no real damage." Pausing, Remi turned to properly regard his husband. "Whatever you feel, whatever you wish to do, I will be right here with you."

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

They walk and Ronin listens, and his quiet enjoyment of the ice spidering away beneath their feet turns into something more wary and bemused the longer Remi speaks. The other man is a warmth against his side, as solid as he might be outside of the Dreaming, but of course that is precisely the point. Letting his footsteps slow, the Nova withdraws his hand from Remi's pocket only to turn and face him properly, his brow furrowed.

"...This is going to hurt, isn't it?" he says quietly, blue eyes already dark with memories. He knows well the pains Remi has taken to separate them under the weight of the things he couldn't say, and on more than one occasion. That it comes now, after both pride and feelings have been left bruised by his last meeting with Safrin... for a second Ronin doesn't think he can hear it.

He almost says it, too - I'm not sure I'm ready for this right now - but then that wouldn't matter. An errant touch from Remi might reveal all at this point, and the Lullaby knows him better than any man, woman, child or god. If he's chosen here and now, it's for a good reason.

"I suppose you'd better tell me, then," he says with a sad smile.

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Searching his husband's stare, not looking for anything in particular, perhaps only cementing the memory of how those eyes looked before his world was shattered, Remi smiled sadly and nodded. "It is, yes." He answered in a voice barely above a whisper.

Infusing the entirety of the world around them with as much love as he possibly could, the Lullaby pulled in a breath before deciding he couldn't trust himself to say the words the way he needed to. Already he felt his lips want to tremble around Vanya's name. Instead, swallowing thickly as a single tear fell from onto his cheek, Remi began.

Safrin never sent Vanya to Mort's realm. She merely covered her star so that you could no longer see it. Because she had withheld something from it, Ludo decided to do the same. That was when it gave life to Mateo for us, only it made me promise that I could never speak of what I knew, to you or anyone. If I did, it said it would kill Mateo. Lines of pain spiderwebbed around Remi's eyes as he thought not only of the secret but the threat to their son's life as well.

Shaking his head slowly, feeling shame as well as relief, he continued. I do not know why Safrin never did it, but all this time Vanya has been up there. Alone, not that Remi thought that needed saying.

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

Given who they are to each other and how long they've been together, it's of little surprise that, despite this being something that apparently Ronin is going to have to shoulder and swallow, the Nova is already reaching out to try to comfort his husband. Words of reassurance dance on his lips, unspoken, and he reaches out to carefully swipe away the tear on Remi's cheek. It's where his hand will remain as the Lullaby's voice floods his thoughts.

The silence that stretches between them is almost a red flag in itself - quiet, within and without, Ronin's expression flinches towards confusion for a few seconds. Having put that chapter of his life to bed long ago - or so he thought - it takes more time than he'd care to admit to realise what Remi is saying. Confusion, then, morphs into horror and sorrow, and even though this is only a dream, Ronin steps back and turns his gaze desperately skywards, as if he'll be able to see a star up there after all. Just the one star. Just Vanya.

I'm sorry, what? is what he wants to say, but his throat is suddenly closed to word or sound. Alone. He hears it even though Remi doesn't say it. She's been alone up there. Without Aoife, without anyone. I stopped looking up.

The outrage comes creeping in slowly, oil slick beneath their feet, and an almost imperceptible vibration twangs the air. Clouds grow jagged. The landscape hollows.

"The Longnight I spent out there in the Grounds. It was for nothing?" he manages.

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Tearful already, as Ronin pulls back, Remi's eyes overflow and it's all he can do to keep his emotions caged behind his teeth lest he steal Ronin's focus. Doing so burns, and though it's only a dream, the Lullaby feels fire snarling through his sinuses and burning at the back of his eyes. For years he has kept this from Ronin, and gods he wouldn't blame the Nova for accusing Remi of being complicit in all of this.

"I do not know."

Wanting nothing more than to reach for Ronin, Remi forces himself to stand tall and silent that something in the Dreaming might remain golden and real for the Nova to latch onto should he choose.

"I am so sorry, Ronin."

For Vanya. For the secrets. For the scars you needn't have shouldered.

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

One can't hyperventilate in a dream, but Ronin can feel himself wanting to choke in a breath without quite managing it, and his fists clench and unclench as he tries to find purchase against something other than the truth spilling from Remi's lips. "Why would she--" He cuts himself off with a helpless shake of his head, and the skies above them fracture into crimson and back again, the Nova uncertain even of his own feelings.

"I just need to-- I can't--" Hitching in a breath that splinters through his chest, he pinches at the bridge of his nose and turns away, as if trying not to comprehend it. "All this time?" Whispered, the words fall from his lips even as he takes a couple of paces away and changes his mind again, fretful and unable to keep his focus in any one spot. In the distance, mountains slide and cascade away, and the ground beneath their feet yawns black and sticky.

"Remi, that's..." Brushing away the tears he only half notices have fallen, he glances to the Lullaby as if for help. That's cruel, his expression says. That's inhuman. "And I just believed it. I've believed it this whole time."

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

I don't know. It isn't worth repeating, and so with blood on his tongue the Lullaby can only shake his head marginally as his own fingers splay and spread. I don't know.

Flinching, Remi swallows. Gods how childish it seems to him now, to have thought that stomping across the crunchy leaves and delicate ice might in any way have soothed his husband. The bonfire and whiskies feel similarly far away and inert, and so it's with wings that press from his shoulders and spread disproportionately out in an arch that he steps toward Ronin.

"Maybe time does not pass for her the way it does for us—" Remi hears himself saying before his eyes widen in slow horror to realize how it mind sound as if he was minimizing what Safrin had done.

"I know." Sounding desperate to agree, to be on the same page as his husband and to fall alongside him should he wish—need—to plummet, Remi blinks against the tears that blur Ronin's image before reaching for the man himself. "You could not have known." He whispers, his fingers cold as they search for Ronin's.

"But you do now. We can find someway to free her."

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

"Yes it does," Ronin blurts quickly. He'd been up there with her once. They'd watched their friends and loved ones, and he knows. And for every I don't know, spoken or not, a thousand more whys rise up in the back of his throat. Why would Safrin do this to him? To Vanya? Why would she lie? Why make a promise she couldn't keep? Had she even tried?

Wiping his hands roughly off on his pants, as if needing the sensation of something real, Ronin shudders in another breath and breaks on the exhale. "This is all my fault," he chokes. It might not be true - and deep down the Nova knows it isn't - but the guilt is worse than the blame, and gods if he'd only been wiser, smarter, if he'd only checked. He'd spoken to Mort - he could have asked, why didn't he ask--

Cold fingers brush against his wrist, Ronin flinching automatically before all but melting towards Remi. He's a black hole of shock wherever they touch; emotions bite and fling themselves against the wall of inertia that stops any one of them from taking hold, and the Nova is quietly thankful that they're here, having a very bad dream, rather than being awake. "Mateo is okay?" he says suddenly, eyebrows flinching together as he snatches at yet another scrap of information cleaved through Remi's revelation.

honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago

Closing his eyes, Remi swallows around a painful lump in his throat as he nods. "No, of course, I—" Hitching in his breath, of all the emotions that the Lullaby is prepared to endure on Ronin's behalf, blame is certainly not one. "It is not." Remi counters, perhaps a shade too harshly, but then, in the cold maroon world they find themselves now in, he can hardly tell.

Spreading his wings around to hide the worst of the fractured landscape, Remi draws the Nova close with fingers that would leave bruises in their wake had this been real. They seem to press through Ronin's skin against the darkness that flinches and violently storms within, meaning simply to hold the Nova firmly rather than to untangle his torment.

"He is." Remi confirms with a stiff nod. "And Ludo said that Safrin will no doubt know that I have told you, but that it will not let her kill me." This is added almost as an afterthought; the goddess hadn't had the power to kill Remi permanently for years now, and gods he would happily meet her on a field of her choosing any time she wished it.

'We will get her down, Ronin. We will."

innocence died screaming, honey, ask me i should know

no grave can hold my body down

Wanting to break and sob against Remi, Ronin manages composure only through a few uncertain gulps of air, his arms tangling around his husband without care for where makes the most sense. With a fistful of feathers and his forehead pressed firmly against the other man's shoulder, a shuddering sigh of relief racks through his body to hear that, at least, out of all of this, their son is still safe.

Only Remi continues speaking, and at the mere indication that Safrin would touch the Lullaby for speaking the truth, let alone that Ludo would prevent her from killing him, the first white hot bolt of fury spears its way through. "How dare she," he whispers, like a child who once looked up at the sky with hope and wonder, only to find as an adult that most of the stars have already burned out.

"I'll speak to Ludo myself. I'll go to whoever it takes." Rae, Mort, Vi, Dygra - Ronin would have called on the Voice if she'd still been present. "Remi, I'm so sorry."