That was a difficult question, and Maea looked up at Jigano, even as she looked into herself. A part of her wondered what he would prefer, tried to read it from his face and his tone so that the could pick the right answer. The one that would make him pleased with her, happy and proud... Caiside had once pondered if they were siblings, because of the white hair they shared and had she known about it Maea would have been delighted. Somewhere, without really meaning to she had begun to slip Jigano into the void left behind by her brother. Even though she didn't actually know him, even though she would never admit to it or try to force hon to fill such a role. It just... happened, because of blue eyes and reassuring smiles and a penchant for always moving straight to the heart of the matter. This side was hungry for approval, craving acknowledgement and encouragement like a needy child, and would yield anything just to make others happy.
There was another part of her that refused to do things just to please others. The one that rebelled against Evie's bossing around as they grew up, who stayed in Noah's house even when gossipers called her a freeloader and didn't ask Jigano for permission before doing what she thought was right. A quiet, sleeping dragon nesting in her soul, that reared it's head every once in a while to roar before going back to sleep. Lately it had awakened more and more, ever since the buffers around her fell away and she was forced to tend for herself. It wasn't that Maea was stronger than Sam, or that the changes Jigano saw came any easier for her than for him. She just had no choice but to change or drown in despair. So she pushed herself as hard as she could, worked until her bones cracked in the single minded hope that they would grow back stronger. They had to, or she would break.
Could she let go of power, now that it was within her reach? Yes, she could. Because she meant it when she said that leadership wasn't what she wanted. Would she?
... No. For what she wanted came second to what was needed, and right now that meant a government. Her government, until such a time as someone else came along that were equally as or more suited for the task. Or took the power from her by force.
She sighed, and realized herself just how committed she was to the idea. When had that happened?
"I can't give up now" she said quietly. "Not without even trying. I couldn't live with myself if I did... But I am sorry that it comes at such a high cost. I never intended to undermine you, or jeapordize our friendship."
Or disappoint you...
There was another part of her that refused to do things just to please others. The one that rebelled against Evie's bossing around as they grew up, who stayed in Noah's house even when gossipers called her a freeloader and didn't ask Jigano for permission before doing what she thought was right. A quiet, sleeping dragon nesting in her soul, that reared it's head every once in a while to roar before going back to sleep. Lately it had awakened more and more, ever since the buffers around her fell away and she was forced to tend for herself. It wasn't that Maea was stronger than Sam, or that the changes Jigano saw came any easier for her than for him. She just had no choice but to change or drown in despair. So she pushed herself as hard as she could, worked until her bones cracked in the single minded hope that they would grow back stronger. They had to, or she would break.
Could she let go of power, now that it was within her reach? Yes, she could. Because she meant it when she said that leadership wasn't what she wanted. Would she?
... No. For what she wanted came second to what was needed, and right now that meant a government. Her government, until such a time as someone else came along that were equally as or more suited for the task. Or took the power from her by force.
She sighed, and realized herself just how committed she was to the idea. When had that happened?
"I can't give up now" she said quietly. "Not without even trying. I couldn't live with myself if I did... But I am sorry that it comes at such a high cost. I never intended to undermine you, or jeapordize our friendship."
Or disappoint you...
