and I don't wanna let them down

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

The season of Flowerbirth in Torchline meant rain. Overcast skies, roiling clouds occasionally chased far enough apart to reveal brilliantly blue skies and a scorching sun, and then more rain as the winds died down. Steely waters chopped and thrashed at the abuse and the only birds around for miles were the waterproof ones. Maea had tried to test her feathers against the weather, but quickly gave up the idea and settled for purchasing an umbrella. The efficacy of it was debatable. The air was so humid that her clothes felt perpetually soaked no matter what she did, and her normally straight hair had bloomed into frizzy curls she didn't even know she possessed. 

Wandering towards the houseboat as the day neared the noon hour to meet up with Remi, she found the rain very much befitting her mood. As dull and dreary as the wet haze lingering over the ocean, her gaze slid over the beautiful boat with its overgrown vegetation and cheerful colors without quite absorbing any of it. It looked... homely? Nice? though not in any way that made her desire it for herself. In all fairness, Maea wasn't sure what home even looked for her anymore. Not a farm in the hill country, nor a cottage near the city, it wasn't quite a dungeon office in the Atheneum nor a guildmaster's room in a hall she had barely even set foot in. And she was growing increasingly certain that it probably wasn't going to be the Dusklight either... though the thought sent stabs of misery through her so strong that she had to keep re-examining that thought. Over and over, bewildered at the reasons that kept changing every time. 

Making it onto the boat, she found a door that looked like the proper entry point, and rapped her knuckles lightly against the wood. Stepping back while waiting for a response, she brushed what sand and dirt she could from the hem of her gown, listening to the pitter patter of water against the waxed surface of the umbrella.

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

Maea's fingers hardly would have left the door before she'd hear the sound of something crashing inside followed by a colourful string of curses in a foreign language. There was a hiss, a chirp, something that was clearly a threat judging by the tone if not the words, followed by a few seconds of silence. When Remi opened the door his curls were drizzled in dirt and water, and somewhere behind him inside the Houseboat a pale dragon and a spriggan were trying to slink off as quietly as they could. "Maea, hey." Smiling, just as he was in the process of stepping aside to let her in, his head cocked at a rather avian angle before he called angrily over his shoulder: "Non pensarci nemmeno. I mean it you two!"

With an apologetic sigh, the Bastion moved inside welcoming the ancient in with a sweep of his arm. The interior of the Houseboat was utterly charming in its own way, with her first floor boasting large windows, a kitchenette, a comfortable seating area with a comfortable couch with a few blankets and pillows and a door presumably leading to a bathroom. The upstairs was accessible via a ladder. On the table was a bottle of gin, another of wine, and some snacks.

On the kitchen floor, a potted plant had shattered (or perhaps been shattered based on Remi's earlier tone), which he moved to begin cleaning up. "Sorry, Sugar and Oria go a little stir crazy when it rains and sometimes forget that not everything has wings the way they do."

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

Chaos, it seemed, lived in even the quietest of households. It would have been easy to take the blame for it as it had been a dogged companion of her lately, and it could have been both sad and terrifying. Except... except Remi looked far too calm about the soggy dirt and yellowy water that dribbled from his scalp, and as Maea braved the threshold and stepped inside, she caught a glimpse of two very innocent looking troublemakers that more than made up for what she'd failed to bring in terms of bad luck.

"Hi Remi - oh, don't think about it. Did they, uh, drop that on your head?" She had to ask, because the only other explanation had to be him using his own head as a mop. Squatting down to help pick up shards of broken pottery, she was honestly glad for the mess. It sort of took the polish off of a space that breathed so much homeliness that she felt out of sorts, still painfully aware of the semi-nomad she still was. "I've seen Sugar before... would Oria be your companion?" She craned her neck curiously to catch another glimpse of the peculiar looking creature; she'd never seen a spriggan before.

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

"Well, if you were to ask them, I'm sure they'd deny having been anywhere near it." Remi chuckles, ruffling a hand through his curls and shaking forth a few leaves as well as chunks of dirt. Someone like Ronin would likely have swatted Maea's hands away and said he could do it himself, but the Bastion was glad for the help. "Mmhm." Whistling a few notes under his breath, he glanced over his shoulder as a small creature appeared on the back of the coach.

The same size as most spriggans, 6 or so inches tall, Oria's body looked like she might be closely related to a stick insect given her earthy features and wings—only hers seemed to be made out of bone instead of feathers or chitin. "She was a gift from Mort. A long time ago, actually." He explains as the small creature flit across the room, hovering before Maea. Doing a slow twirl, Oria grinned, her features vaguely fae-like and entirely sweet-seeming.

Reaching for a dustpan, Remi swept up the remaining soil and debris before tapping it out into the trashcan and moving to stand. Offering Maea a hand if she needed it, Remi would continue to hold his hands out for a proper welcoming hug.

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

Huffing a quiet laugh, she was sure he was correct. "Of course. Pots usually move on their own, it's common knowledge." Stacking the shards neatly where they could be picked up and either repaired or discarded where no one could get hurt, she was distracted by the reemergence of the little companion. A look of wonder came over her as she followed Oria's little aerial dance. Hands aching to reach out and touch her, she somehow managed to keep them to herself and only briefly cupped them beneath Oria, like a perch to settle on if she wished. "She is beautiful."

Blinking up at Remi when his hand appeared in her field of vision, she hadn't realized how absorbed she'd become. Accepting the aid as she rose, his mute welcome nearly had her breaking down. Walking into his open arms, Maea wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder. Tension was palpable in her, breaths so shallow they hardly seemed to be there at all... and she was cold. Felt cold, compared to him, though she hadn't even realized it until just then.

"Thank you, for letting me come here," she mumbled. "I didn't know who else to turn to."

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

Happy to perch on Maea's finger, Oria waggled her minuscule fingers as she beamed up at the ancient. If not for Sugar's crooning the little spriggan might have remained, but wanting to get back to her friend she blew Maea a kiss before springing into the air and disappearing somewhere upstairs.

Having expected to have at least sat down before Maea burst into tears—why? because Remi was an idiot, of course—the Bastion found himself inhaling with surprise as he heard her small gasps and felt her staggered breaths against his chest. "Hey, hey—" Instantly wrapping his arms around her and pulling her gently against him—there were times the Bastion forgot his own strength and so he softened erred on the side of caution when around people who weren't his husband—Remi tucked his cheek against the top of her head as his fingers softly smoothed down her pale hair.

"Of course. You're welcome here anytime, Maea." He whispered softly, careful not to touch her skin with his as he continued to softly tease at her hair. If she wanted to touch him and share her emotions that way he'd happily let her, but Remi had learned over the years that not everyone appreciates having their emotions just laid bare for someone to sift through without first being able to explain.

"Whatever it is, it's going to be okay." Was that the sort of thing he was meant to say? Remi wasn't sure, but it seemed like the sort of thing that Ronin would have said, in the moment, so it seemed a safe place to start.

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

She hadn't meant to become emotional about this. If anything, Maea had meant to lay out the facts in a dry, clinical manner for the Bastion to dissect, so that they could turn each piece over and examine them in search of some kind of truth, or perhaps a solution. Instead, a simple gesture of kindness was all it took to set all the built up tension over the past season to overflow. It was a sudden storm, a spring shudder that let up almost as soon as it came, and though her eyes were decidedly red when she gently eased away - to breathe, mostly - they burned more than they watered.

"I hope so," she sighed. Rubbing at her nose, offering her friend a weak smile, she shrugged lightly. "It's a bit of a story... you might want to sit down. Don't want the sheer scale of my stupidity to knock you over."
Brushing her hand gently over his, skin to skin, she shared a glimpse of the turmoil that caused her breakdown. Layer upon complex layer of mistrust, fragile hope, disappointment, horror, sickening disgust, self-righteous anger and guilt and confusion, all tangled up in knots like a jesters staff or a basket of yarn after kittens had their way with it, though not half as benign as that. It was just for a moment, and Remi might not become any wiser for it, but at least he might get a chance to brace himself.

It was going to get ugly.

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

Pulling back slightly only as he felt her move against him, Remi smiled down at her before laughing under his breath. "Look at me, Maea." He chuckled softly. Sure, Deimos and Sunjata were ever so slightly stronger (5-6 points, you bastards), but when it came to the ability to really take the painful stuff in stride, there was no one better suited for it than the Bastion.

Not understanding the root cause of Maea's upset any more clearer for the emotions that flashed across his field of vision like distant sparks of sheet lightning, Remi didn't so much as flinch away. If anything given the painful conversation he and Ronin had recently had, the Bastion was able to lean into the feeling, and so, not always the best with words, instead Remi reached for Maea's fingers as she brushed them against his arm and gave them a squeeze instead: not going anywhere.

"Come, we can sit. I have...blankets, and tea, or gin, or wine, or...there's also snacks..?" Those had all been Ronin's suggestions, of course, when Remi had mentioned that Maea was upset and might stop by.

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

Doing as she was told, perhaps more literally than he had intended, she really looked at Remi. It wasn't something she did often, and it felt almost intrusive to so blatantly take in his features. The little crows feet at the side of his eyes, nicks and notches in the skin, laugh wrinkles and perhaps beginning to age wrinkles - though no gray hairs yet that she could see? - and above all, the calm assurance resting in his smile, in eyes so startlingly green they hardly seemed real.
A sigh passed through her, and a huff of either laughter or despair - it was hard to tell which - but at least she laughed. "Point taken."

Squeezing his hand back, she brightened at the mention of something warm to drink. "Tea would be lovely," she nodded. And rather than seat herself and wait to be served, if there was a need to fetch and carry and heat water she would simply go with him, readily offering her flame to speed up the process. The memory of his touch lingered on her scalp and made it easier to breathe, easier to set one foot in front of the other until they were both seated on the couch, with blankets draped over shoulders and knees - at least she couldn't get too warm - and her legs pulled up comfortably beneath her.

"To start with... how much do you know about the Ancients? Has anyone told you about their past?" Any version of it - Maea wasn't sure if it would help her start talking, but at least it was a relatively safe topic to start off with. Gods, but she should just start telling the damn story, it was just... hard. Somewhere it felt like breaking a confidence, like condemning people who weren't even involved, endangering others and herself... and though their enmity had never been personal, it was impossible not to remember a time where they had been on opposite sides in a war.
The last thing she wanted was to reignite that kind of flame.

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

Thanks to Isla Remi was at least aware that most Ancients had fire magic, and so as he set the kettle onto the stove he bounced his eyebrows at Maea over his shoulder before inclining his head towards the kettle. While she worked on heating it, he reached for the basket of tea that he and Ronin had acquired over the last several years. Some were their own blends from the various places they'd lived, others they'd bartered for or traded while out visiting different corners of Caido; all were delicious.

Blowing on the rim of his mug once they were both suitable comfortable and Remi wasn't at risk of spilling his tea by having to shift again, the Bastion frowned thoughtfully. "A little? Isla has told me a great deal, and I've met Danta who...at least I think is the only ancient I've met who wasn't an ascended before. So I know about some of the abilities, fire immunity, bloodlust, a little about Dygra." He offers his eyebrows softly raised to see what, if anything, might be helpful. As for their past? "Uhm...No, just that they were awake(?) before, and Dygra put them all to sleep up until recently." Remi says with a small shrug of his shoulders.

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

With her fingers comfortably wrapped against the cup to warm them, Maea pressed the rim against her bottom lip while listening. What Remi knew wasn't much, but it did at least offer her a place to start.
"Alright. Well, from what I have been told, the Climb was a much different place back then. It was bigger, far more inhabited, and different factions warred for dominance. Apparently it was a harsh place to live, with cruelty being more rule than exception, and in some cases I'm told that the bloodlust was sort of... weaponized? Some were kept from sating it so long that they became frenzied, to the point where they would eat anything. Or anyone."

Naming no one, she didn't say who she had been speaking to. It didn't matter, wasn't relevant to the story - and she didn't want to break any confidence more than necessary. Even so her expression remained grim, and she turned her gaze to the rainy afternoon beyond the large windows as her tone took on a dry tone, distant and dispassionate - clearly attempting to distance herself from what she was talking about.

"One person I met last year confessed to me outright that they came from a village of... of cannibals. Like Whitebrim? But he kept insisting that he was following the rules now and preferred deer anyway, and I... let myself be content with that. Because let's face it, I'm the newcomer to an old race, with old customs, and... and I don't want this to be like last time." Rejecting companionship, relations, the offer of a family and a place to belong purely because she didn't understand.
"Anyway. We've had some heated arguments on and off, but it always resolved itself somehow. But there was an incident at the Dusklight over Longnight where a customer got violent and had to be restrained, and afterwards he was acting strange. So when he left to talk to the guards about what happened, I followed him to see what was going on. And I caught him..." She swallowed thickly. "I caught him torturing and eating the guy. And after confronting him about it, he told Danta. Who got upset with me for getting upset at all. And... I..." Slowing, she dared to sneak a glance over at Remi. The more she spoke, the more aware Maea became of how truly messed up it sounded. "Uhm. Any... questions so far?"

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

Eeeesh Remi's expression seems to say as he grimaces over the lip of his mug. Certainly, his own strengths and needs had been used against him more times than he'd like to count and the things he did when under that control weren't things he was proud of. Would he ever go so far as to eat another person? Well, if he was starving and it was his only way home...? Possibly. Almost certainly, if he really thought about it, but that didn't make the story Maea was painting any prettier.

"Whitebrim, in Halo?" Remi interrupts softly, just to make sure he was following properly. As Maea continues, the way the Bastion's eyes lower toward his tea suggests he knows the ending already, and so as she mentions that they were torturing and eating the guy, Remi can only close his eyes and nod silently.

It's a lot to take in, of course, but something tells him that Maea hasn't reached the crux of it all yet and so with an encouraging smile, he gives his head a small shake. "No, no, please go on. What did Danta have to say about it?"

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

// I tried to scream but my head was underwater //

Eesh was a good way to summarize the whole thing. She really wished that was all of it, but the truth was that she hadn't even started yet.

"Well... as you can imagine, I sort of freaked out about the whole thing," she murmured, re-applying heat to the mug when her long pauses between sips left the tea cold. If it bittered over time, she didn't mind; she needed the roughness on her tongue to combat the nausea. "I confronted A - the person - " she nearly bit her tongue, so close to slipping the name that she could have kicked herself, "and said... a lot of things I'm not proud of. I called them a monster. And cruel. And asked why - " Drawing a deep breath she recounted the conversation as best she could, sparing no details and certainly not her own reaction.

"The next day, Danta wanted to talk... and his take was that it wasn't a big deal? That since the dead guy was a criminal it was not an issue, and Dygra wouldn't mind it because she is about complete freedom... and he wants me to stay in the Grounds, but I can't make a fuss about being upset with their ways, because who am I to decide what is right and wrong." That whole conversation was retold as well, with increasing weariness as she recalled the sense of defeat and half-swallowed panic. Touching upon her own dark instincts had been unsettling, and it was hard to admit to them now, even when she knew that Remi might be able to relate - he'd had his shifts longer than her, after all, and at least one of them was a predator. 

And then, before she could change her mind, she launched into a retelling of the most recent incident with Asta. Never mentioning his name, she nevertheless iterated the entire mess from start to finish, leaving her thoughts and reasoning for doing what she did out of it - and when she was done, she sat limp and tired in the couch with dull eyes on Remi.
"I just...  don't even know where it went wrong. Every single thing I said and did just made it worse and worse, and even though I could see it, I couldn't... do anything that made any difference." Rather, her good intentions had caused more harm than if she'd gone into this with the intention of starting a fight. And with distance, hindsight only made it look even more awful than it had been in the moment.

Maea

// They called me weak, like I'm not just somebody's daughter //

the bastion

It was a weighty thing that Maea was describing, and yet, when laid out without all of the emotional trappings and the tension of the moments themselves, it was perhaps not such a large thing in the end.

During her retelling, Remi's face remained more or less neutral. Of course, he frowned or winced in the appropriate intervals, but he was careful to keep his expression from casting any sort of judgment onto any of the characters involved or their actions until all was said and done. When it was, he finally let his eyes drop from Maea's face onto his tea, now quite cold, before softly sighing and setting it on the table.

"I know what your letter said, but now that you're here and you've said it all, do you still want to know what I think?" Remi had learned, mostly from raising Flora, that there were times when sometimes listening and providing comfort was all that was really wanted and needed. Smoothly out the blanket on his lap as he turned to face her, Remi set his hands down with his fingers stretching towards her and his palms up, for her to take if she wished to try and offset whatever emotions had come up for her. "Either way, I'm here for you."

I got a feeling inside that I can't domesticate
It doesn't wanna live in a cage,
A feeling that I can't housebreak

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!