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Character of the Season
Frail in body but dangerously quick of mind, Nikandr is the sort of character who proves that curiosity can be just as perilous as any weapon. A necromancer, inventor, and problem-solver with more ambition than self-preservation, Niki approaches the world like a puzzle box begging to be opened, even when what’s inside has teeth. Blunt, dry-witted, fiercely independent, and carrying a history best left partially buried, he has a knack for making even failure feel fascinating. Whether he’s raising the dead, moving across Caido to King's End, or experiencing a hangover for the first time, Nikandr brings a wonderfully strange spark to Caido, and we can’t wait to see what trouble his brilliant mind wanders into next.
Congratulations, Niki!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
OG Skinning provided by Kaons, with functionality and many custom plugins made by Neowulf!
Zavien just nods his head, not sure he has the strength to agree when he selfishly wants his companion back, when he regrets letting him go in the first place. Maybe he just hadn't realized how hard it all would be.
Running a hand down Pip's spine, he stows the jar of dirt in his bag. It's hard to hide the wince at the topic of Lena, his voice softening again. "We've talked a little, and I'm actually doing a trial run in back in Stormbreak - which turned out to be really poor timing." His chuckle is aching and sad, thinking about how much worse it is to be in the city without Sol. Zavien runs a nervous hand through his hair, shrugging. "She knows... to an extent, but she's been more interested in ignoring it, or talking about ways to fight back..." It's not like she doesn't care, but it doesn't help with his fears or anxieties, making it feel like he should be trying to forget about his experience or somehow be able to hone it so quickly when he still holds all these pent-up feelings around the event. He'd been starting to work through them alone - with Sol - but this setback hurt.
Swallowing the pain, he sighs. "I'm still not sure what to think about it..." The fact that all he really wants is a hug, for someone to listen while running a comforting hand down his back, to let him be vulnerable. The fact that the one person he claims to love doesn't reflexively offer that.
Koa's lips purse; of the reactions he would have expected from Lena, indifference is not one. Not that he doesn't totally get it, the instinct to push forward and through and ignore all the shitty feelings in hopes they'll go away. Find a problem to solve, a face to punch. It's what he'd done for years after his mom died.
It hadn't really helped.
There isn't a super great way to say that, though, especially for Koa who is already stretching the limits of his emotional competence. So he settles for the thing he does best: tactile reactions, using his hands. Reaching for Zavien, Koa squeezes his friend's shoulder. "That's rough, buddy," he says sincerely, knitting his brows above a sympathetic wince. Women, as Koa's learned, are complicated and impossible and prone to break your heart.
"Have you... I dunno, have you told her how you're feeling?" Not that Koa is one to talk - Gods know he's very studiously avoided discussing his feelings with Sohalia. His lips quirk in a crooked smile. "Take it from me, man- it's better to get it out sooner. Otherwise you wind up on totally different pages without even realizing it." And find out that while you were planning a future, she's just seen you as a side piece the whole time.
With each love I cut loose, I was never the same Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame
Zavien accepts the clap on his shoulder with a thin smile, at least appreciative for some sort of sympathy. As for telling Lena his feelings... the Dragoon runs a hand through his hair again, closing his eyes for a moment. "Kind of?" With his hands free again, he kneads them together, feeling the blood flow push through to his fingers, trying to figure out the best way to explain everything.
"I don't know how to describe it. I guess... no matter what I say, she doesn't ask me questions or show interest in hearing more about my struggles. She listens but doesn't give any encouraging words other than talks of fighting or strategy. She says that she cares, but I still feel alone sometimes..." There are no offers of cuddles or teas for his nightmares, no offers to hear his story when he's ready, no words of comfort about how he's already made it through the hard part. Despite the fact that he knows she cares, from her words saying as such to the gentle tightening of her hand in his, it doesn't feel like he's getting anything he needs to feel like she cares, to feel loved.
He swallows against the tightening of his throat. "I just - I guess I don't know how to tell her that I need more." It sounds stupid coming from his mouth, that the Caretaker - the one who comforts and helps wounded animals heal - isn't doing enough to help him through the trauma he'd experienced. He shakes his head, letting out a loud sigh to dispel the idiocy, finally standing again. "But maybe it's just me. Maybe I need more time to process alone. Once Sol gets back, I think I might be able to do it - to get better." Zavien adjusts his bag, letting out a thin, fraying laugh. "And like I said, I still haven't tried getting drunk."
Koa doesn't know how to describe it, either, and feels rather helpless as he listens to Zavien's lament. He wants very much to say the right, encouraging thing, but what is that? Looking at his dirty fingernails as though they might hold answers instead of just earth and parasite eggs, Koa heaves a quiet sigh. "Sometimes... sometimes problems can't be solved. They just have to be heard." Like grief, or irrational fear, or hanger. Shrugging, he looks back up at Zavien with a hapless, crooked smile. "I don't know Lena as well as you do, but... sounds like she's trying to solve an unsolvable problem. Which has gotta be hard, but also isn't your responsibility to fix, so..."
He trails off, shrugging helplessly, unsure of the point he's trying to make. "I dunno, man. It's all kinda fucked. But you should be allowed to feel your feelings, y'know?" Fuck toxic masculinity: let the boys feel their shit.
Speaking of... Koa raises a brow, snorting as he stands alongside Zav. "That's the second time you mentioned getting drunk. Sounds like you're trying to tell me something." Throwing an arm across his friend's shoulders, he gives a squeeze and a playful shake. "How about we get back to civilization and then the first drink's on me, eh? We can talk about girls and how impossible to understand they are. I have plenty of experience in that area."
With each love I cut loose, I was never the same Watching still living roots be consumed by the flame
He'd definitely be 'feeling his feelings' one way or another, and Zavien gives Koa a grateful smile. It's still full of uncertainties and time to pass, but it's soft in the aftermath of a good friend, one who validated and supported, who had stood by him through thick and thin, through laughter and mental breakdowns. And as he'd told the man often in the midst of it all, Zavien says it again, "You're a good friend, Koa."
With the weight of the conversation falling away, he wipes his hands on his pants, adjusting the bag over his shoulders. It may be strained, but his smile is teasing, trying to push through to the other side. "I think you might be onto something." He'd never been one to bury his problems in a bottle, but when all else failed, shouldn't he try the method that most people turned to? It might just dampen the pain enough for him not to feel like he wants to scream, or cry, or both. At least for tonight, where he has a friend to keep him from doing anything too stupid. So when Koa offers up the first drink, who is Zavien to say no? He takes a deep, clarifying breath before bumping the man in the shoulder. "Sounds like a good idea to me."
