pushing past the limit

He sighs a low rumbling sound, remaining by the waters edge, internally fighting with himself over the implications of what occurred. Would he and Nate have been fine? Maybe. Maybe not. He interacts with a lot of people, after all. But it still has a sharp fiery line of frustration coursing through him, a rant that at the end is met with a fuzzy lion at his side, with Loren’s words penetrating his thoughts.

Something in him snaps, electricity roaring and crackling along his mouth, bouncing from sharp tooth to tooth, wings spreading to try and push Loren away, teeth bared at the lion. [say]I can’t rest. I can’t rest because Nate’s still sick. We can’t rest.[/say] Nor can he do anything about it. [say]I lost Nate when we got sick. Melita found him. He left the night the house burned down and I thought over and over again that he didn’t make it out of the fire, that maybe I was imagining him.[/say] The electricity crackles further, wings flaring. He snaps, maw cracking as his jaws crash together.

As Sunjata opened his mouth and electricity crackled in it and spread his wings, Loren backpedaled. He crouched low to the ground, turning away from the dragon. The lion did his best not to meet the other man's gaze, though the healer was growling low in his throat at the Arbiter's display.

[say]I know all that. I told you, my brother is still sick, and I would give anything to cure him.[/say] The Firebrand forced himself to fall silent and to settle onto the ground. Staring out at the ice and pointedly not at Sunjata, Loren added, [say]But running yourself ragged and not taking proper care of yourself, while you're still recovering from your own bout of illness, is not going to help Nate or anyone else.[/say]

The electricity and the threat of it seems to be enough, the lion backpedaling as quickly ass he had arrived – Sunjata’s gaze narrowing sharply on the lion with his teeth bared, electricity still crackling from tooth to tooth. His gaze remains on Loren as the words reach him, not soothing, not helping any, but he listens nevertheless. And when Loren continues, only then does Sunjata step away from the Firebrand, the Flood casting his attention to the mountains in the distance.

][say]You know I don’t know how to do that.[/say] Loren had been there through much of it, anyway. After Lusea. After Phoebe. After Peter and Adam. After Maea. He doesn’t get to relax. [say]I don’t even know where to start. Too worried a bout if we don’t get better. And if we do…? For Nate?[/say] How much longer did his husband have if the Old Gods and Order had their way?

He huffs out a large cloud of white, shaking his head, focusing on the mountains in the distance and the wide expanse of nothing, letting the electricity within him blast out into nothing with a sickening boom. [say]It might not matter in the long run anyway. Safrin said the Ascended would either not exist or would be fundamentally changed.[/say] A growl slips from him with it. [say]She said I might be able to hide Nate for a little while. I suggest you plan on doing the same with Neron.[/say]

Loren made a chuffing sound. Risking a glance at Sunjata, the lion's tail swished. [say]I'm aware.[/say] He returned to staring out across the Sea of Glass. Letting the silence stretch between them for a moment, he groomed his paws again. [say]Would you like to learn? Because it starts with asking for help.[/say]

Ears flicking at the Arbiter's words, the healer picked up picked up another snowball and started batting it around. [say]That's assuming the old gods and the Order win whatever conflict is coming. From where I'm standing, they've been losing the battles so far.[/say] He sent the snowball rolling the other man's way.

[say]Did Safrin say how they'd be changed? Or whether the Ascended not existing anymore meant that the individuals that are Ascended would no longer exist?[/say] Lifting a claw, the Firebrand studied it, not looking at Sunjata.

He shakes his large head when Loren asks if he’d like to learn. Vai had told him the first step he’d have to take and he’s absolutely nowhere near ready to get that part of his life rolling — still attempting to atone for the things he’d done. [say]No.[/say] He sends it over with conviction, a crackling from his throat that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

There’s a shock of surprise that runs through him with what Loren says, trying to figure out what battles had occurred, where they had lost battles versus the Voice now that things were getting more intense. [say]What battles have they lost? All they’d need is fire.[/say] If he had ears in this form they’d be pinned, but all he can do is growl his frustration, a low rumbling that sounds like thunder.

[say]I assume not existing means death. I think the old gods would prefer it be that easy.[/say] He casts his steel gaze back over to Loren, wings wavering but still outstretched, claws digging into the ice again. [say]It would be easier for the threat to them to be extinguished rather than repairing them. Especially since some of them chose to Ascend.[/say]

Loren's eyes flicked towards Sunjata before flicking back towards the sheets of ice before them. Shifting slightly, the lion turned away from the dragon. Not responding to the single word of negation, the healer raised his head at the other man's question. [say]The Voice escaping her prison. The portals and the Mathair. The new lands being opened up despite the opposition to it.[/say]

Ears flicking, the Firebrand rolled another ball of snow between his paws. [say]The very existence of the Voice and the Ascended proves the old gods do not always get their way. Nor do all the old gods seem to care all that much about the existence of the new.[/say] He sent the ball spinning into the water with a splash. [say]But if you don't think there's a middle path, then you'll have to choose your side.[/say]

[say]The Order hasn’t actively been involved until now. They’re recruiting.[/say] He shoots back. [say]Only Ludo had taken action. Now it seems more are paying attention.[/say] Though he does find solace in the fact that Safrin said he could hide Nate for a time, to have that extra bit of time with his husband, however long it may be. Perhaps that was a kindness he wasn’t prepared to see as such before now. But he shakes his large head, the blue glow dissipating from his throat as he focuses on the snowball splashing into the water.

[say]I don’t think there’s a middle path.[/say] He rumbles, frustration glaring in the tones of his voice through the Attuned bond, wings flexing as he pulls them in tight again. [say]I think I’ve already chosen my path.[/say] A dangerous one, one that would have him face off against everyone he’s called a friend. Because if Nate goes, he goes, there will be nothing left of the Flood.

[say]That might be. But the Voice and the Ascended are recruiting allies too.[/say] Loren yawned and licked his lips. [say]And are you sure that Ludo is the only old god that has taken action?[/say]

Ears flicking, he turned back to Sunjata and studied the Arbiter. [say]I'm not sure exactly what happened last LongNight. But my understanding is that Safrin was involved in the death of some Ascended.[/say] With that, the healer faced the Sea of Glass again.

With one last glance at the icy waters, he put his back to the sea and the dragon both. The lion began to trudge back towards the distant road. [say]Then follow it. But I'll keep looking for another way, for both of us.[/say] Pausing, his tail swished. [say]Thank you for the fish.[/say] With that, he resumed his long trek back to the Citadel.

Perhaps Loren is right in a way, but it still doesn’t soothe any of the anxieties that race through Sunjata over and over again. And when he speaks next of Ludo versus what Safrin had been involved. Yet… From speaking with his goddess on the subject, it didn’t sound like it was done intentionally. The feeling he gets from his goddess is that so long as he still loved her, he could love Nate too. That she couldn’t particularly care less.

He still doesn’t imagine he could see her going out and destroying them simply for existing.

His jaw tightens, large teeth groaning with the pressure he applies. [say]See you later Loren.[/say] He rumbles, wings flaring again as Loren takes his departure, Sunjata choosing the other direction to head and taking to the sky for it.


- FIN <3