// somebody told me that there's two sides to this life //
Closing her eyes, she hummed thoughtfully. Head lolling back until her long hair pooled on the ground, she considered her own actions over the recent past. "I did, didn't I." Maybe part of her had wanted to believe that they weren't. That her anguish stemmed only from what he'd done, and nothing else. "I don't... think it would hurt this much if I didn't want you around, though." It wouldn't be a problem walking away from people she cared nothing about. Gods knew she had in the past. The truly difficult part, it seemed, was learning how to stay.
"I called you that because it's what I'm afraid of being called," she confessed, more quietly. "I'm... scared. Of what I've become. What I can still become. It feels like... it would be so very easy to change into something else. The things I've done in the past... I think even you would be appalled if you knew about it." There had always been a darkness inside her. Becoming ancient, and suddenly surrounded by so much blood and death - it only made it feel as though her shadow self had been set loose on a playground with no rules or consequences - a bowling ball sent rolling down a steep slope, unable to stop until it hit rock bottom. Until it crashed, and broke beyond repair.
"I take it out on you, because... well... you're an easy target? And I don't know what else to do with all this... angst." How's that for honesty? It was a truth she hadn't even acknowledged to herself until now, and it tasted very bitter on the tongue. She really was cruel, after all.
"Do you still want to be alone?"
"I called you that because it's what I'm afraid of being called," she confessed, more quietly. "I'm... scared. Of what I've become. What I can still become. It feels like... it would be so very easy to change into something else. The things I've done in the past... I think even you would be appalled if you knew about it." There had always been a darkness inside her. Becoming ancient, and suddenly surrounded by so much blood and death - it only made it feel as though her shadow self had been set loose on a playground with no rules or consequences - a bowling ball sent rolling down a steep slope, unable to stop until it hit rock bottom. Until it crashed, and broke beyond repair.
"I take it out on you, because... well... you're an easy target? And I don't know what else to do with all this... angst." How's that for honesty? It was a truth she hadn't even acknowledged to herself until now, and it tasted very bitter on the tongue. She really was cruel, after all.
"Do you still want to be alone?"
Maea
// I think I might've chosen darkness over light //
