// somebody told me that there's two sides to this life //
Sinking back until her back pressed against the ground, she felt the cold of the snow and mud like an ache in her spine. Matching the one in her chest, and the throbbing, grueling pain of the wounds, all in all she thought it was about what she deserved.
"Mhm," she acknowledged, feeling the truth in his reprimands. She really had to. This... this wasn't how she wanted to be. Just like the fyrhund, she was so closed off in her own mental hellscape that anything that showed up became a threat or a target. Lashing out, flaring up, taking unnecessary risks and working herself to the bone, these were all symptoms of something more serious that festered within her. Saying it out loud only made it real; and this was where the real work began. Now that she didn't have anymore excuses.
"Yeah," she responded again, quiet and full of remorse. She would. Better still would be if she stopped being afraid at all. But that was as easy as making Asta stop being a cannibal, and she didn't know how to make either happen. Perhaps it was impossible, and she'd just have to learn how to live with her fear.
He didn't tell her to go away. Whether because he hadn't decided yet or for some other reason she couldn't tell, but Maea took it as permission to stay. She was in too much pain to move yet anyway. For a while, silence hovered between them, interrupted by the occasional cough and hack from the weary man. ".. would you stop me?" she asked eventually. "If it seemed like I was starting to slip?" She had no right to ask, not now. But she did anyway. Out of everyone she knew and trusted... he might be the only one who would recognize the signs.
"Mhm," she acknowledged, feeling the truth in his reprimands. She really had to. This... this wasn't how she wanted to be. Just like the fyrhund, she was so closed off in her own mental hellscape that anything that showed up became a threat or a target. Lashing out, flaring up, taking unnecessary risks and working herself to the bone, these were all symptoms of something more serious that festered within her. Saying it out loud only made it real; and this was where the real work began. Now that she didn't have anymore excuses.
"Yeah," she responded again, quiet and full of remorse. She would. Better still would be if she stopped being afraid at all. But that was as easy as making Asta stop being a cannibal, and she didn't know how to make either happen. Perhaps it was impossible, and she'd just have to learn how to live with her fear.
He didn't tell her to go away. Whether because he hadn't decided yet or for some other reason she couldn't tell, but Maea took it as permission to stay. She was in too much pain to move yet anyway. For a while, silence hovered between them, interrupted by the occasional cough and hack from the weary man. ".. would you stop me?" she asked eventually. "If it seemed like I was starting to slip?" She had no right to ask, not now. But she did anyway. Out of everyone she knew and trusted... he might be the only one who would recognize the signs.
Maea
// I think I might've chosen darkness over light //
