Loathe the way they light candles in Rome
But love the sweet air of the votives
But love the sweet air of the votives
She catches his hand before it can fall, and catches his heart with it; it lurches, stuttering within his chest, beating and bruised between her fingers. Once he would have let her hold it without hesitation, had gone so far as to offer it in a bouquet of forget-me-nots. But pride and hurt have changed the boy, and he guards more dearly, now.
Sohalia answers with her own questions, coming so close and yet staying so far from what he wants so dearly to hear. Ruefully Koa shakes his head; "But I don't know," he answers, nearly laughing, though there's an edge that says it's a coping mechanism rather than true mirth. Large, calloused hands wrap around the Luminary's; he searches, pleading, in her eyes. "I don't know how you feel, Sohalia. I never have. I mean- I thought I did, once, but..."
But they both know how that went. Koa'd gone into the Tower on solid footing, and left with the ground tilted beneath him.
It had never really straightened out again.
He's been playing with her hand, rubbing his fingers across her knuckles like a comforting mechanism, but as she goes on he stills. The rest of her confession is a waterfall, torrential, pounding down upon him, almost too much to quite take in. Surprise courses through the boy; a warm flush spreads across his neck, tinting the shell of his ears. "Sohalia..." There's so much there, and yet so little, and fuck if she isn't the single most frustrating creature Koa has met in his entire, short life.
Inhaling deeply, Koa sits back, trying to collect his thoughts. "I'm not trying to push you away- I'm not," he starts out, slow but firm, the words punctuated by a tightening of his hands around hers. "But... fuck, why is this so hard?" Laughing abruptly, Koa finally releases Soh, running his fingers through his hair as he turns to the trees for some sort of clarity, or a fucking sign. "Soh, I don't want you to want me 'in whatever way'. And I don't want to be someone you're okay just being friends with."
The words aren't angry, or accusatory - they aren't even bitter. But Koa's spent his time with Sohalia tying himself in emotional knots, and he just can't do it anymore.
"That's what I'm trying to say, I guess. That for me, I can't just be friends with you. Because what I want from you - what I feel about you - it isn't friendship. I have plenty of friends, Sohalia." He turns back to her with a lopsided smile. "The difference is, I'm not thinking about kissing them every time I'm with them." But he is when he's with her.
Sohalia answers with her own questions, coming so close and yet staying so far from what he wants so dearly to hear. Ruefully Koa shakes his head; "But I don't know," he answers, nearly laughing, though there's an edge that says it's a coping mechanism rather than true mirth. Large, calloused hands wrap around the Luminary's; he searches, pleading, in her eyes. "I don't know how you feel, Sohalia. I never have. I mean- I thought I did, once, but..."
But they both know how that went. Koa'd gone into the Tower on solid footing, and left with the ground tilted beneath him.
It had never really straightened out again.
He's been playing with her hand, rubbing his fingers across her knuckles like a comforting mechanism, but as she goes on he stills. The rest of her confession is a waterfall, torrential, pounding down upon him, almost too much to quite take in. Surprise courses through the boy; a warm flush spreads across his neck, tinting the shell of his ears. "Sohalia..." There's so much there, and yet so little, and fuck if she isn't the single most frustrating creature Koa has met in his entire, short life.
Inhaling deeply, Koa sits back, trying to collect his thoughts. "I'm not trying to push you away- I'm not," he starts out, slow but firm, the words punctuated by a tightening of his hands around hers. "But... fuck, why is this so hard?" Laughing abruptly, Koa finally releases Soh, running his fingers through his hair as he turns to the trees for some sort of clarity, or a fucking sign. "Soh, I don't want you to want me 'in whatever way'. And I don't want to be someone you're okay just being friends with."
The words aren't angry, or accusatory - they aren't even bitter. But Koa's spent his time with Sohalia tying himself in emotional knots, and he just can't do it anymore.
"That's what I'm trying to say, I guess. That for me, I can't just be friends with you. Because what I want from you - what I feel about you - it isn't friendship. I have plenty of friends, Sohalia." He turns back to her with a lopsided smile. "The difference is, I'm not thinking about kissing them every time I'm with them." But he is when he's with her.
Koa Carpenter
Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone
Engage with the pain as a motive
Engage with the pain as a motive
