sending you forget me nots

Got no plans and I've got no money
Gone are the days of milk and honey

Koa’s hand flew to cover her mouth before she could get the confession all the way out, and her brows knit suddenly in confusion because what did he want from her if it wasn’t friendship but it wasn’t love, either -

But she let him speak, offering him the same courtesy he’d shown her as she bumbled her way through her own thoughts, and as she listened, something like understanding dawned in her gaze. She could understand, she supposed, how this might sound to him - after all their shared history, especially. But she wasn’t the same girl who had callously turned away from him all those moons ago. She was older, wiser, stronger - and this time, she was willing to fight for him.

She wanted to fight for him, even, to prove to him that she wasn’t some fickle teenager making a horrible mistake. No, this time would be different. She was different.

They could be different, too.

His thumb brushed her lips and she fought the urge to turn her face into his hand - and lost. She brushed a soft kiss, so light it was hardly even there, over the pad of his thumb, her gaze fixed on his. ”Okay,” she said against his hand. ”I understand. But, Koa - I do want you. I want this. And if you’ll let me, I’ll show you how much.”

Green eyes and a head of gold
I'll give you two dollars if you save my soul

Sohalia

Loathe the way they light candles in Rome
But love the sweet air of the votives

There's a million reasons they shouldn't do this, besides the ones he said. What about Jude? Or her friendship with Flora? How will Noe react, to hear he's giving her a second chance? Is it really the right time to strike up a romance, with both of them in semi-exile and a war going on that they cannot fight?

A million reasons that melt like sugar in the rain as Sohalia turns to press a tender kiss upon his palm. Koa's eyes widen a fraction before his face breaks into a brilliant smile, like sunshine breaking through storm cover, or the first day of spring after winter's end. "Okay," he somehow both laughs and whispers, falling into her silver eyes. "Okay," again, and he sounds lighter, somehow, looks lighter, a soldier who's given up the fight, accepted his terrifying, wonderful fate. 

Koa, I don't know how to tell you this - but boy, you've got it bad.

"How about this, then?" His hand has moved, slipped around to openly cup her supple face. "It's almost Fiat Lux, right? Let's plan to meet somewhere in... two weeks? Is that long enough?" It feels both untenably long and at the same time very brief indeed, in the grand scheme of their love story. "And if we're both wearing forget-me-nots, we'll do this. And if one of us isn't, well... that'll be okay, too." He tries to shrug lightly, as though it wouldn't matter.

It obviously would.

Dropping his hands to cup Soh's again, Koa fixes her with a look that is playful and ardent and perhaps a little cocky. "'Cus if we do this, Sohalia? If we really try to be an us? It's not gonna be a 'just talking' situation. It's going to be knock-your-socks-off serious business. I'm gonna romance the shit out of you." He smiles, lopsided, a promise in the boyish features. "'Cus I don't do things by halves, and that's what you deserve - to have someone who's in it a hundred percent."

And maybe, he thinks but doesn't say, it's what he deserves, too.

Koa Carpenter

Hurt and grieve but don't suffer alone
Engage with the pain as a motive

Got no plans and I've got no money
Gone are the days of milk and honey

Yes, yes, there were a million reasons why they shouldn't do this. But maybe there were also a million reasons why they should.

Or maybe it was just one reason, when it came down to it, and that was that they wanted to. And maybe that made them selfish, or stupid, or young and naive, but maybe all of that was okay, too.

Because for the first time in a very long while, Soh felt hopeful. As Koa smiled, Soh returned it: a shy, but no less brilliant thing, tender and happy and excited. And as he revealed a plan, Soh nodded, her cheek brushing against his palm. Two weeks. She could wait two weeks. Two weeks was nothing. (Or so she tried to tell herself.) Because she was sure, absolutely positive, that this time, she would not be the one to stand in their way.

And if Koa didn't wear forget-me-nots... well, she tried not to think about that.

She matched him look for look, amused and spirited and teasing. "Who says I won't romance the shit out of you first?" she asked with a wink, squeezing his hands and feeling entirely giddy from the nearness of him, by the possibilities that stretched out before them. Because this time would be different, and she was determined to prove it to him.

fin

Green eyes and a head of gold
I'll give you two dollars if you save my soul

Sohalia