keeping it in the family

Enzo

Breaking into pinky's room (Sohalia, for readers at home) had been an absolute success, which is truly terrible for the residents of Wildling House because it's sheer enablement from the universe. Pure encouragement to Enzo to keep being a dick and doing it again. 

So he does. Who is he to ignore divine signs? 

This time it's gods-awfully early, so he's decked out in all of two things: boxers and a stolen pair of Flora's slippers. Well, he'd gifted them to her, but given they're comically large and garishly orange duck feet it's understandable why she refuses to wear them - which makes them perfect for thieving, really. Someone needs to appreciate the gift. He'd had them custom made!

Throwing open the door more loudly this time after having found Sohalia asleep, whistling what is clearly not any sort of cohesive tune, Enzo slides in through the doorway calling, "Ayooo, anyone home? Wakey wakey! I have mimosas!" Technically true - he is carrying a bottle of champagne, but only as a proverbial shield in case his new victim is less sunshine-and-rainbows than the Luminary.

Your obsession feeds our connection

I'm the only one, give me all your attention

Used to keep it cool, used to be a fool

Ordinarily, Kasisel does not spend much time in his own room in the house. It’s barely ever felt like his room, since despite all attempts at taking it slow, he and Flora had done anything but, and it never felt right sleeping apart from her when he didn’t need to. While there’s a bed in here, it’s never been used. He unloaded a few additional knick-knacks from his old room in Stormbreak before it fell, old awards earned in childhood, a poster or two of a hot model, various weaponry, and Ruby Rock and Steve Stone thrive on a windowsill. The closet is stocked with merch deemed too prized to be worn, and he has been hiding Flora’s gift from her in here, but otherwise it’s largely uninhabitated by both items and Kaisel.

Except for right in this moment, when he’d stolen away from Flora’s bed to sneak breakfast ice cream. He couldn’t chance her catching him in the kitchen or any ordinary room, so he’s scrunched up on the floor around the corner of the bed like an absolute gremlin.

The thing with doing something you’re not supposed to is that you’re already on high alert. Add in a very abrupt door opening and an unexpected visitor, and Kaisel’s body is taking a multitude of screenshots. He does not startle quietly, because the instinct that ransacks his body of all sense undulates every muscle on the spot, causing a jittering that flings his ice cream far and wide. This, in turn, elicits an awful wail of despair, both for the loss of the treat, and the impending mess, doubled up with the reality of being caught.

”HU—WHA—!?” comes the smashed up greeting just before his body yeets to the side, following the arc of the ice cream in a Hail Mary to hide it. He lands on his side, feigning nonchalance as one leg crosses over the other and a hand props up behind his head, as if he’s lying out catching sun…inside. Blinking up, he realizes a bit late, that this is not Flora. ”Enzo!”

Kaisel

All about the bounce in my step

Enzo

Enzo expects a lot of things when he goes breaking-and-entering for amusements sake, but this is way out there in terms of what he could have imagined.

Mostly because flung ice cream looks really fucking sus from a distance. And it immediately inspires awe, jealousy, and medical concern. No wonder Flora is so happy with this dude if he can spurt off like that.

Already mid-motion (the entering part of breaking-and-) as Kaisel flings himself sideways like he’s imitating a dolphin by the poolside, Enzo realizes soon after that the substance in question is ice cream and becomes immediately disappointed - but no less amused.

“Kaisel!” he parrots back, though his tone is far brighter as it passes through his wildly grinning mouth. Kicking the door shut with his slippered heel, Enzo swaggers in and peers down at the sad, already-melting mess of ice cream. Well, the central part of it. The rest is sort of…cyclone’d everywhere across the rug. “Ice cream in the morning, Kaisel? So tell me, the hiding - is it because you won’t share, you’re on a diet, or is it some sort of kink?” Inches from a cackle, Enzo’s grin could rival fictional asshole cats as he turns back toward the draw-me-like-one-of-your-French-girls figure on the bed and approaches to thrust the cold bottle of champagne toward the other man. “Here, a consolation prize.”

Your obsession feeds our connection

I'm the only one, give me all your attention

Used to keep it cool, used to be a fool

Relaxing with an immediate sigh that suggests it just took years off his life when leaving his body, Kaisel drops his pose and flops onto his stomach. ”Uuuugh, Enzoooo,” he groans, facedown, the words muffled around the ground, cheeks puffing up around the exhale. The finishing part of I thought you were Flora clearly doesn’t need to be said as Enzo’s immediate line of questioning connects those dots like a child’s paper menu at a restaurant—it’s shaped like a kitty cat.

Inhaling through his nose long and loud overtop Enzo’s voice, the draw of breath works like a taut string and hauls Kaisel up onto his knees in a kneel. Flopping his head to the side in the very dramatic fashion of someone who has just lost perfectly good ice cream for no reason, Kaisel looks over at Enzo as he glides onto the bed with all the grace of a duck on water. ”If she catches me eating ice cream, she makes me go for a run,” he says, seemingly to Enzo’s very appealing slippers since that’s where his full focus is directed at the moment. ”And running,” Kaisel begins, here to educate Enzo in case he is unaware. ”Is. The. Worst.” Although he’s half a mind to make Flora jog in those slippers now.

His attention rises to the olive branch, a well known champagne label, and hikes himself up onto the bed as well. ”Hmm, y’know,” Kaisel begins after taking the bottle, thumb poised over the cork. ”Maybe we get some more ice cream and make champagne floats?”

Kaisel

All about the bounce in my step

Enzo

A laugh nearly bubbles up his throat, but it's not the right time yet. He has to hold it in until the perfect moment - though the brightness of his tone practically replaces its presence with how blatant it is. "Kaiselllll, ugh! No appreciation for my presence, honestly." Engaged to the woman or not, Enzo should invoke just as much awe and appreciation as Flora. Duh. 

Kaisel is lucky he looks particularly pathetic after the loss of his ice cream, because Enzo magnanimously decides to forgive him. Internally, though. If he decrees it aloud Kaisel will become swiftly spoiled by Enzo's generosity. Plus Enzo can't be seen as having favorites - certainly not his brother-in-law. That's nepotism, and Torchline would never.

Humming and nodding with appropriate gravitas (though Enzo quite likes to run honestly) he flicks condensation off the hand previously holding the bottle instead of wiping it on Kaisel's bedsheets. Truly, he's a saint today. "It's spite, you know. She has to do a million sit-ups in private to keep her own ice cream off - only fair you both suffer for your hotness." Enzo rakes a hand through his hair and smirks at Kaisel as he props one leg over the other knee, brandishing his duck foot slipper the way a model might show off a luxury shoe. "Not me, though. Genetic lottery, baby - no work required."

So then what's the risk of a champagne float? Nothing, calories don't exist if you never read about them, and Enzo will claim he's illiterate purely to spark his own joy with ignorance. "I love the way you think, best breakfast ever. Ooh! How about I procure the ice cream so you don't get caught red-handed?" Certainly not to buy the replacement dessert in unspoken apology for the sad death he'd caused moments ago. "Hmm...but we're also gonna need like. A vessel for these. Y'know?"

Your obsession feeds our connection

I'm the only one, give me all your attention

Used to keep it cool, used to be a fool

The smirk that overtakes his expression is the only thing that clamps down on the outright laugh that threatens. ”Is that how she does it? Well, it’s fucking working, I can tell you that much.” Which might sound more scandalous than he means if not for the fact that Flora’s abs are on frequent display, especially this time of year. Scoffing at Enzo’s apparent luck as he flaunts his slippers like they’re part of his lotto winnings, Kaisel knocks into him purposefully with a foot. ”Keep that shit up and I’ll drag you along as payback.” Doesn’t hurt to give Flora more targets either.

Leaning past the champagne bottle, the chill of it nestling against his cheek as he does, arms curled around it like it’s a child he’s embracing to his chest, Kaisel stares pointedly at Enzo. ”Now, do you know this because you barreled in on her doing it, it’s a secret twin thing—like your abs tingle in response—or is that from your Mort tv?” Because, he’d like some of the episode guides if it’s the latter. He might know Flora pretty well, but he could always use an ace up his sleeve; she’s currently ahead in points.

Moving from conniving to culinary, Kaisel’s grin races into his cheeks with Enzo’s quick enthusiasm. ”That’d literally be perfect. This is why you’re the GOAT Enzo.” It’s not surprising that Enzo has strong attention to detail when it comes to not getting caught, even if his explosive entrance might have demonstrated otherwise. Both can be true—Enzo is good at being sneaky and at being theatrical. ”Although don’t ever call it a vessel again. That sounds old af and has culty understones.”

Kaisel

All about the bounce in my step

Enzo

Enzo barks a laugh, far from scandalized. He was Flora’s first ever wingman, he knows how hot she is. Even better, he was there for all the ugly duckling phases too - but some things remain secret, even from her man. Just not her workout routines. “That’s why she does it in secret though, to make it look easy,” he finishes with a snobbish sigh and flick of his chin to whip hair he doesn’t have. Though he wishes he did, shooting Kaisel an affronted look at his threat and poking him in the stomach with the middle stuffed toe of his slipper. Which takes a bit of bending but they’re already clustered together like puppies on the mattress so a bit of jostling is just extra. “Your threats are empty, small fry. She loves me more, I’ll get off the hook way faster.” Flora won’t care if Enzo gets fat on ice cream, he’s not the one she ogles. 

Dropping onto his elbows as Kaisel cozies up to the bottle, Enzo’s foot bounces as he ponders, incapable of sitting still. “All of the above, actually. We still help each other do those torture-stretches where you sit on the floor with your legs spread and pull each other across the middle with your hands? It’s like controlled trauma bonding for the sake of flexibility.” He may be genetically blessed, or so he will say, but flexibility is a whole other ballgame. “But that’s how we keep the mental ab-link open and current. Mort TV was just a way to pass the time.” And thank god most Torchers (or maybe just the people Flora befriends?) don’t worry about dancing around the topic of his death. If they did, he wouldn’t be able to use half his joke repertoire.

Sitting up and using the momentum to stand, he bows with a grand flourish fit for Kaisel’s praise, ruining it by bleating like a goat the way one would say ‘thank you’. Solemnly, of course. A solemn goat bleat. 

“I’d argue the appeal of cult vibes, but we’re wasting valuable sneak time. I’m going to go get the ice cream - you figure out what we’re making these babies in, deal? Anything clean.” They’re miscreants but they still need standards. 

Saluting jauntily, Enzo scrambles out the door (making sure to close it to hide their crimes) and goes scuttling off to the kitchens, sliding around corners in his slippers and dodging gross early risers in twice as many clothes. Only once he’s staring down ice cream does he realize he didn’t ask what flavors Kaisel liked. Shit. Well, law of averages it is - he grabs as many as he can carry and hauls ass back up the corridor. Cursing all the while as the cold tubs press against his naked chest like white fire. His nipples are gonna fall off. Fumbling with the handle with full arms, Enzo half-trips into Kaisel’s room and launches his armload toward the bed with a yelp, immediately hissing and rubbing frantically at his pecs to warm them back up. “Fuck! Didn’t think that one through!”

Your obsession feeds our connection

I'm the only one, give me all your attention

Used to keep it cool, used to be a fool

The evidence of his clandestine ice cream consumption is on easy display as his stomach squishes a smidge in response to Enzo’s prodding. Kaisel has been training for years and has the cut of muscle to prove it, but equally, he’s been sneaking sweets, and those continually battle each other. ”She’s not supposed to make it so obvious,” he complains with a grumble of conceding defeat. He has never doubted the lengths Flora would go to for Enzo, and if he had, she made them quite clear over the bath in House of Midnight. She’d turn back time for her twin, and he’s positive that even with Enzo back from Mort, that still holds true, whatever other changes might ripple out of that choice. Still, Enzo isn’t supposed to know that, not if Kaisel wants to easily threaten him anyway.

Offering little in the way of helpful secret ammunition, not that Kaisel’s surprised in the slightest, fairly certain Enzo’s love is returned just as strongly towards Flora—twin things—he instead maintains a ready smile as Enzo cracks in half with overly accentuated gratitude. The display is especially impressive coming from a goat, and Kaisel and his champagne prize shake with amusement that’s louder than any kitchen rustling could have been.

Catching himself, he swallows it down with ballooning cheeks, the pressure of containment only doubling the humor. So instead Kaisel does the only honorable thing left, and begins to smother himself in the pillows. He waves away Enzo’s retreat and provides a thumbs-up for his personal assignment, working on blacking out enough to stop laughing as the start.

Sighing long and loud like a release, he rolls off the bed in dramatic fashion, leaving the champagne nestled like a lady readying to undress on the mattress still. ”Alright, containers. Cups. Bowls. Holders.” He lists the postentials out loud as if it could manifest them, hands shaping the air into the relative form of each object, all of it necessary to the hunt. He circles the word vessel, thoughts absolutely saturated with it simply because he’s trying not to brush against it.

It doesn’t take long to come to terms with the fact that there’s absolutely nothing in here, not unless Enzo wants to eat out of his jock strap. Sneaking with a newfound attention to silence, as if passing the threshold of his room into the outer wilds of Wildering House is an immediate exposure risk in and of itself, Kaisel sidles up to one of the many floral displays Mateo has been leaving around. ”I’m sure he won’t miss this for a little bit,” which might be his famous last words right before he pulls free the foliage and sets it down on the table, tucking the vase into his arm. He plucks up another one in much the same manner, and scuttles to a nearby bathroom to wash them out.

Sparkling clean and ready for service, Kaisel has one short, stubby vase swirled with blue and green glass. The other is skinny and tall, yellow bumps of glass all along the exterior, ribbed for her pleasure. He’s just gotten into the room himself when Enzo barrels back with a shower of his own cream this time. Acting on some absurd instinct to catch what’s sailing, Kaisel face twists into a silent wail as he hucks his glass vases onto the bed and tries to catch two of the tubs, only managing one, and plenty more thudding around him. ”QUIET!” he hisses loudly, freezing in place to stare back at the door and listen down the hall.

Time for his favorite game—spirit or fear it (aka, Flora)?

Kaisel

All about the bounce in my step

Enzo

Enzo grins unrepentantly, shameless in his coveted role as Flora's Favorite. One he holds onto fiercely, keenly aware of how quickly it can be taken away a second time. No take-backs or do-overs. Still, he'll throw Kaisel a bone. "You're her favorite for all the schmoopy and sexy stuff though, ay? A consolation prize, but still a gold medal!" Better than a participation ribbon by a long shot - Enzo can stand to see a second 1st place podium erected a few feet away from his own, if he must.

It's easier to accept the idea when it's Kaisel on that podium. Enzo's grin softens into something he'd hate to have Kaisel see this early on as he watches the other man throw himself into the pillows to muffle his laughter. He still vanishes out of the room though, just in case Kaisel sits up too soon. Enzo can't show fondness just yet, not until the other man proves himself. If that's even possible with how cherished Flora is to Enzo.

Surely this counts as bonding though? That's enough of a sign that Enzo isn't going to ice out his twin's beau for no reason. He'll kill the man if he breaks Flora's heart regardless of whether they become friends, so there are only benefits to doing so. Aside from nearly freezing his nipples off on ice cream tubs. They grow back, right? Enzo swears he learned that somewhere, but Mort's realm didn't exactly have schoolhouses and homework, so who knows when or where he got that information. 

Enzo freezes mid-wince as Kaisel flies across the room from some peripheral realm, catching one tub but missing the others which thunk loudly on the floorboards. Enzo's shoulders reach his earlobes, oxygen seemingly vanishing from the room as the two inside it play possum. Do spirits even make enough noise to determine if they're in the hallway? Enzo extends a leg as far as he can until he's nearly doing the splits to minimize his footsteps, tiptoeing to the door to press his ear against it while subtly thumbing the lock on the handle. When a few minutes have passed (it feels longer, his sister shouldn't be this scary) Enzo turns a sheepish smile toward Kaisel and whispers, "I think we're in the clear." A bit of telekinesis brings two of the ice cream tubs to his hands - soundless, just in case.

Your obsession feeds our connection

I'm the only one, give me all your attention

Used to keep it cool, used to be a fool

Enzo rather lays out the obvious as to what kind of favorite Kaisel is for Flora, because otherwise they’d be encroaching on some Game of Thrones territory, what with the Lannister twins and all. He didn’t think he needed it said aloud, but honestly, now that it has been, and it’s reassuringly him that takes the gold in that department, well he’s rightfully chuffed to be claiming some part of the number one spot. Potential incest and medals aside, there’s vases to steal and a poorly stealthed return.

Wide-eyed and breathless, Kaisel would freeze his heart too if he could manage it, anything to maintain the silence and their cover. Slowly, oh so slowly, his gaze dips with Enzo towards the door, watching the impressive display of limber legs and well-blessed genetics. Time has slowed into something that can only be measured by strained blinks, but as it flutters onward, their sanctuary holds. Relief eases in by degrees, almost unwilling to believe they’ve made it out, and Kaisel coimically wipes his brow with the back of his hand. ”Phew, close one,” he mutters.

Gawking a bit as the ice cream begins to float, he gestures towards them and then Enzo. ”You coulda done that the whole time!?” he demands, clearly wondering why the frozen richochet had to happen at all. Moving on, because the answer is plain, he brings the vases around and offers them out. ”Alright, you scoop, I’ll pour.” He grins, nearly rubbing his hands together evil villain style in delightful anticipation of this concoction, which is entirely comprised of secrecy and bad choices, so of course it’s the best flavors.

Popping the champagne into a bundle of merch to muffle the pop, Kaisel pours slow and steady into the containers, the bubbles splashing over the ice cream with a crisp fizz and a rush of froth that he’s careful not to race too eagerly with, lest it continue up and spill over. ”This,” he commends, gaze lifting to Enzo, ”is pure genius.” Which he’s told Flora a time or two, so seems to run in the family.

Kaisel

All about the bounce in my step