Hotaru
we're not lovers, we're just strangers
with the same damn hunger
with the same damn hunger
The weight of his head upon hers settles her immediately, like a fussing babe being bounced in their mother's arms. It keeps her anchored to the earth beneath their feet, to the warm front of his chest. She can't float off and away when he holds her like this. Can't disappear into the great nothingness that feels like it's closing in every minute of every new day. Even if she hadn't placed desperate knots throughout the strings of her existence, his quiet acceptance would have kept her from unraveling any further.
She stays for people like him. Like her children. She resists her nomadic nature, her inclination toward self-imposed exile, for these few and cherished souls who ask her to stay.
Tears prick at her lashes with savage, needling ferocity at his rumbled admission of pride and encouragement. It feels unearned. She knows she is doing better this time around than any prior moment of devastation, but it doesn't feel worthwhile. Not yet. But maybe, if Deimos is saying this, it will be.
"Thank you," croaks quietly against his shirt. Taking heart from the familiar sound of his laughter beneath her ear, the calm beating of his heart.
"There's a modest effort to build a new region in Hak Etme. Regardless of outcome, I've signed up to help with the groundbreaking and port building efforts. I think...I hope it'll be good for me, right now." Exhausted her mind by exhausting her body. Ensure dreamless sleep through endless toiling, inherent anonymity, and no room for daily ruminating with all the orders and tasks to juggle in her mind. Maybe it will become a place for her in time. If not, she only has the vague sense of building something for herself in Torchline with Flora's blessing. "I may ask Frey if I can fix Sunjata's heart for him. Try to make things right, even if it's not enough. We were never good at making amends in the past, so maybe I can try this time. It was Flora's idea." Even if Frey may deny her, if Sunjata may reject the heart, if if if. And nothing to be said of how she feels betrayed and let down of her own accord. She can't - won't - let herself think of anything more than the initial notion of the quest.
She stays for people like him. Like her children. She resists her nomadic nature, her inclination toward self-imposed exile, for these few and cherished souls who ask her to stay.
Tears prick at her lashes with savage, needling ferocity at his rumbled admission of pride and encouragement. It feels unearned. She knows she is doing better this time around than any prior moment of devastation, but it doesn't feel worthwhile. Not yet. But maybe, if Deimos is saying this, it will be.
"Thank you," croaks quietly against his shirt. Taking heart from the familiar sound of his laughter beneath her ear, the calm beating of his heart.
"There's a modest effort to build a new region in Hak Etme. Regardless of outcome, I've signed up to help with the groundbreaking and port building efforts. I think...I hope it'll be good for me, right now." Exhausted her mind by exhausting her body. Ensure dreamless sleep through endless toiling, inherent anonymity, and no room for daily ruminating with all the orders and tasks to juggle in her mind. Maybe it will become a place for her in time. If not, she only has the vague sense of building something for herself in Torchline with Flora's blessing. "I may ask Frey if I can fix Sunjata's heart for him. Try to make things right, even if it's not enough. We were never good at making amends in the past, so maybe I can try this time. It was Flora's idea." Even if Frey may deny her, if Sunjata may reject the heart, if if if. And nothing to be said of how she feels betrayed and let down of her own accord. She can't - won't - let herself think of anything more than the initial notion of the quest.
to be touched, to be loved
to feel anything at all
to feel anything at all
